Sunday, May 31, 2009

say goodnight, gracie.

lawsy, lawsy,lawsy, mizz Scarlett!! i do declare, i was fit to be tied today. old man arthur executed one hellacious attack on my entire body for apparently, no obvious reasons. the weatherman ain't saying anything so i'm at a loss for the root of arthur's mischief. it was all of my joints too, as opposed to my normal hand and finger joints. my damn knees just about gave out on me. i had to put a wrap on each knee. and all day today i have been excited thinking about buying this new thing that icy hot has out now. i'm super stoked about it because i can customize it to accommodate my hands, which are different structurally than everybody else's hands. /sigh. look at me. look at what i have become; a house wife who gets excited over new icy hot products, and not having anymore room left in the towel/washcloth cabinet to put more towels and washcloths because i have them ALL clean, folded, and put away.
Gone With The Wind Pictures, Images and Photos southern belle Pictures, Images and Photos
i have gone all zen and become one with my swiffer sweeper dust mop. i would say that i have begun the soul killing process of morphing into my mother, but she is not one with the dust mop. see, they dated a LONG time ago, back in the stone ages when she was married to the Evil Faux Czar (aka the male dna donor that helped create me). but when the Czar began to rob his own peoples out of everything, there was a colossal battle which led to the inner civil war that continues to rage on within me to this day. but i digress, at the sound of the battle call, weapons were drawn and blood painted the hands of all who touched the battle grounds. the blood stained the souls of the innocent. the deed was done; the line drawn. good and evil, the epic battle. the tug of war with me as the rope until the Evil Faux Czar lost interest and found a new kingdom more shiny than the kingdom he blackened with hate. it was in this war that my mother fought the dust mop. and still today, her epic battle with it rages on.
evil Pictures, Images and Photos be good? Pictures, Images and Photos endless battle Pictures, Images and Photos
good goddess i need to go to bed. i'm creating a story about a fictitious battle between my mother and a damn swiffer sweeper. that goes beyond being just your southern eclectic, sarcastic narrator. i need help. no; i need sleep. i bid you au revoir, mes amis.
sleep Pictures, Images and Photos can't sleep Pictures, Images and Photos goodnight, Pictures, Images and Photos
GISM #3 of 365:
i am grateful that good conquered evil.
love conquers all Pictures, Images and Photos

Saturday, May 30, 2009

praisin at the church of reba.

here i sit at my computer on a saturday night listening to my queen sing her beautiful little heart out. oh how i absolutely adore her! as much as i love the wife, i'd leave her in a heartbeat for that fantastically feisty redhead. (sorry honey. i wub joo.) seriously though... i just watched her new video. suffice it to say, she is fucking HOT. jesus. you find me another 54 year as smokin hot as her. geesh!!

other than drooling over her (and lets not get me started on kelly!! *oh please let my prayers be heard by whatever higher power is out there, PLEASE PLEASE let kelly be a card carrying member of the lesbian brigade, please, please, please!!*) gawd i wish they'd tour together again, because both concerts that i saw of the 2 Worlds 2 Voices Tour were PHENOMENAL. my meeting her for the second time at one of those concerts has nothing to do with my opinion of that. yea, right. i can't even THINK that with a straight face.

ah okay, i must calm down. i tend to get myself worked up in a tizzy over them both, especially the redheaded one. but i digress, here i sit listening to her wondering if its time to dye my hair again. i'm feelin the auburn look again. thanks in part to mrs. mcentire. oh how i achingly wish i could pull off her particular shade of red but i'd look like some twilight character in doing that. a darker, non purple, auburn should suit me just fine. we shall see. i don't really have much to say tonight. i'm just bored stiff here at home, as i have already carried out my housewife chores by folding and putting up all of the laundry. that was a big enough task in itself!

note to reader: yes that IS me with reba and kelly. don't be jealous haters. that was my second time meeting reba. okay NOW you can be jealous haters. :-)

GISM #2 of 365:
i am grateful for reba mcentire. (obvious choice there.)
Reba Mcentire Pictures, Images and Photos

Friday, May 29, 2009

pint sized hero.

okay so i joined this new social networking group (not because i am not already a members of too many others right?). this one is called Grace in small things. the concept of this group really fascinates me. so i am going to try my best to partake in the group's challenge: to daily "take notice of the positive things we tend to overlook. Grace in Small Things exists because we are choosing not to allow the noisiness of life to rob us of the time and energy to be mindful of ourselves and those we love and to recognize the grace that exists in small things." so i am going to do this to remind myself of one thing daily for an entire year, to win my own battle against embitterment. at the end of each blog entry, i will post my daily GISM item that i am grateful for.
Bitter Pictures, Images and Photos Your Bitter Pills Pictures, Images and Photos
my baby brother made me more proud of him than i have ever been throughout his entire life. yesterday morning before the school bell rung to start their day of learning, my brother whom i shall call *Deviant Rascal* (*nicknames have been given to protect the guilty*) got in a fight and got suspended. a bit of back story for you: his teen hormones have permanently taken up residence throughout his entire body. long gone are the days of my sweet little funny brother and here are the days of mr-know-it-all-fuck-you. these putrid hormones have brain washed my once innocent baby brother into what his nickname that i've given him says, a deviant rascal. his behavioral problems at school up until now have never been destructive to school property or other persons. (another words, Deviant Rascal has a big mouth, with a highly sarcastic persona that gets him into stupid trouble all of the time. The apple truly does not fall far from the tree.) his behavior has DRAMATICALLY improved since he found out he had once more to get suspended before being expelled.
nerd and proud Pictures, Images and Photos Disposable Teen Pictures, Images and Photos teen Pictures, Images and Photos
Stupid brother Pictures, Images and Photos trouble maker Pictures, Images and Photos MY LIL BRO Pictures, Images and Photos
but i digress, ...back to yesterday. his best friend, a boy in his grade whom i shall refer to as video-game-dweeb-numero-two, is his carpool buddy and a bit on the chunky side. he is not morbidly overweight, nor is he anywhere near the size of cartman from south park. anyways, this really mean bully was picking on video-game-dweeb-numero-two. the poor kid just took it and took it and took it until he was about to cry. Deviant Rascal's temper flipped on quicker than Tyson biting off Holyfield's ear. Deviant Rascal stood up for video-game-dweeb-numero-two since the boy is evidently not capable of doing so himself. (this boy's parental unit must do a better job at teaching video-game-dweeb-numero-two how to handle being bullied.) this lead to a fight between Deviant Rascal and the said bully. Deviant Rascal beat this bitch's ass. he did get thrown on his back and hit his head but is otherwise okay. the other kid had blood everywhere. i'd be lying to yall if i said i wish i hadn't been there. i'd liked to have seen my boy go fool on the bad bully. that's not very mature of me as a big sister to say that, but damnit. i can't help it, i wished i had seen it.
Chivalry Pictures, Images and Photos A Terrible Fight Pictures, Images and Photos Hero Pictures, Images and Photos 175 Pictures, Images and Photos
school officials had to write Deviant Rascal up because of their zero tolerance policy on fighting. (which i think is bullshit because you know sometimes it cannot be avoided in these pre-teen and teen children with their hormones riding a free for all roller coaster inside of them.) due to the nature of the write up, he just got 3 days out of school suspension. he wont have to go before the school board or be expelled. the school is using these three days as study days for exams, which will begin his first day back, so he isn't missing anything 'important' in classes. yea he coulda handled it differently, but ... man you know that took balls to stand up to a bully, especially being that Deviant Rascal weighs like 96 lbs soaking wet. i know violence is never the answer, nor do i condone it, but i am proud that my baby brother stood up for what he believed in, for what was right. in a twisted way, i am proud of him. chivalry is not dead yall.
study Pictures, Images and Photos stand up for it Pictures, Images and Photos study Pictures, Images and Photos
all of this has a splash of irony lying within it, as Deviant Rascal is the bully to his twin brother, Wily Coyote. Wily Coyote takes it and takes it and takes it from Deviant Rascal until they have this massive blowout bigger than Hiroshima. i wonder if this will have any impact on Deviant Rascal's bullying to Wily Coyote? only time will tell.
boys Pictures, Images and Photos boys lie Pictures, Images and Photos

Grace in Small Things #1 of 365:
i am grateful for chivalry.
hero Pictures, Images and Photos

ask yourselves, my interweb fwiends. how cute is my wife in her sexy yellow bandana and how cute is she with our wee-one, sophia? all together now,... AWWW!!!

Thursday, May 28, 2009

dumpster diving slut.

the wife and i had to run a couple of errands this morning and upon our home coming, we found a quaint little surprise; our furbabies had a party with the trashcan. my wee-one, sophia, now looks greasier than a deep fryer at KFC.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

genre drôle de femme au foyer.

here i sit in a cough syrup stupor gazing at my computer with nothing and everything on my mind all at once. i have reached that critical point in my bronchitis recovery where i am antsy to do everything and anything that my mind can think of. you know, those things that i never do when i AM well and capable. i wonder why that is. i am feeling so much better today, thank my stars. i think the new inhaler is what did the trick. its supposed to be a much stronger, powerful kind than the previous kind i had. yay!! soon as i finish healing, i can be consumed by the laziness that ensnares me everyday, and all will once again return to normal.

housewife Pictures, Images and Photos
i am feeling my creativity simmering just beneath my surface. we still have not cleared out and set up my art room because well, we are both lazy and we have been busy. i am contemplating buying a sewing machine and going all retro dykey by making some of my own clothes the way that i want them. i don't seem to be finding anything lately that suits my flavor. i just feel like becoming a happy homemaker, but NOT that '50s housewife bullshit' that i have posted a picture of before. i like the idea of putting my twist on it; a slightly neurotic, eclectic, nerdy house wife who is a mommy to her furbabies and tries her best to be a decent wife and tries to make her wife happy. and that latter part is THE hardest of all!! women!! geesh!! hell, i know me, and even that is still hard as hell to make me happy. and besides, i think happiness is a relative state anyways.
Funny Icon Pictures, Images and Photos housewife Pictures, Images and Photos Photobucket
happiness is something different to everybody. happiness to me is this, right here, right now. enjoying my day as it is. i feel like poo-poo but i am basking in everything else, therefore, outshining the poo-poo.... if that makes sense. my wife is sleeping in our bed at the moment. she got off at 7 am this morning so she's catching up on her sleep. i am playing on the interwebs. thats happiness. that's life. that's OUR life. when she awakens, we will have the dreaded supper talk, where neither of us can decide on what to cook. but today she will be surprised. i took out hamburger for an old standby favorite, hamburger helper. that'll make her happy in that we don't have to be in a stalemate with our taste buds over picking out supper. happiness is doing our laundry in our new, state of the art, front load, high efficiency washing machine. i can load it and unload it. without the aid of something. that's happiness. my freedom, my independence to do a chore without needing assistance. everybody takes for granted fixing their own hair, zipping up their own jeans, and doing easy mundane chores. but when i can do it by myself, that is my happiness. my happiness is knowing that i have almost 250 people that i have known throughout my life on my facebook page. my happiness is knowing that i have a 557 member mob family on my myspace mobsters game. my embarrassing happiness (and shame) is that on facebook, my golden girls trivia score is off the wall high. my happiness is looking to my right and seeing all three of my fur babies sleeping in a ball. people take these everyday things for granted. the little things. its those that makes you happy. and should you for one fleeting moment become unappreciative, your happiness will fly right out the door. be grateful. be thankful. be happy.
housewife Pictures, Images and Photos
housewife Pictures, Images and Photos

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

RawR!! and wubs for Mommy...

Monday, May 25, 2009

bitching and bitches.

seriously, if i don't get better SOON, i'm going to find a loaded gun and take it out on some poor unsuspecting gum tree in our backyard somewhere. this is lunacy, i tell you. i am acutely accustomed to having hoards of slithering mucus cascading down my sinus cavities, but this wheezing crud has got to cease and desist immediately!! to what office do i go and apply to and scream furiously at some poor minimum wage supervisor that my body has got to start responding to ANY one of the gobs of meds they put me on?! i need results, damnit!! not tomorrow, not in five minutes,...I NEED THEM NOW!!
Photobucket scream Pictures, Images and Photos
Whoa Pictures, Images and Photos scream Pictures, Images and Photos scream Pictures, Images and Photos
i feel slightly better sending that out there into cyberspace. slightly. ugh. last time i had bronchitis it did not take a freakin week for me to assimilate. i don't think it did, anyways. that was back in my slut days, when my days were filled with wearing slutty outfits, flirting with whomever necessary to get the desired schedule (for work), finding out where the next party was, and running away from Florence as fast as my p.o.s. car could take me. i don't miss those days AT ALL. i don't think it took a week... at least i don't think so. i don't really recall too much from that week. i do, however, remember codeine cough syrup and beer don't mix too well. common sense should've told me this would not mix well together, one would think. no, it didn't. to seal the deal of my severe case of dumb-itus, i chained smoked marlboro reds that week. yeaahhhhhhhhhhhh. i rocked the dumbass award that week.
Photobucket Rx Pictures, Images and Photos
teeage stupidity Pictures, Images and Photos Smoking Redhead Pictures, Images and Photos Girl Pictures, Images and Photos
i don't know if it is because i truly dislike the guy and i am dancing ever so lightly on the verge of reality that i find this hilarious, or what, but my best friend's husband disappeared tonight from his house. my best friend got all worried because he left his cell, wallet, and his truck. (he is on the fire department, so whenever he disappears he always has these with him.) she's on the phone with me trying to solve the mystery of his whereabouts when she spots him. his explanation? he was chasing a raccoon from their trashcan. he was going to shoot it with his BB gun. yes sirrrrrrreeeeeee bob. they live in a city, my dear interwebber fwiends, and i in the country. and by MY standards,...even THAT is rednecky and just damnit dumb. but then again, this IS her husband. and what a smart man he already is.
stupidity Pictures, Images and Photos Dumb stubborn redneck hick Pictures, Images and Photos dumbass Pictures, Images and Photos

i feel a story dawning upon us... let's shake the lopsided family tree and see which rotten apples hit the ground. hmmmm... i'm feeling an aunt story coming on. my mom's sister is personally a favorite character of mine to satirize. there are so many things to tell about this lovely,...'lady.' but alas, i do not know the entire stories to them all, so little snippets of each compiled into a compilation will have to suffice.
Photobucket *** my grandma was going through a phase where she had auburn hair but evidently needed a trim. being that the aunt in question was attending the local beauty school, my grandma corralled her into the seemingly simple job at hand. my aunt tried to persuade my grandma into taking another route, such as getting somebody else to take on this requested task. all that was told through the years is that my aunt was "inebriated." this could have quite possibly been stoned or drunk, or if it was a particularly bad day (or a celebration) it could have been both. this story ends with my grandma donning her finest BLOND WIG to the church function, where she had to man the oven in the kitchen. apparently my aunt was sooooooo intoxicated that the simple hair cut turned into one HELL of an atrocity. (just pause this momentarily. can you imagine your best friend going from auburn hair to nonchalantly showing up to a church function in a blond damn wig?!) my grandma, having the best of all luck, SINGED the bangs on her FINE blond wig on the oven door. it has since been reputed as to what grandma did with this wig. i recall her stating she casually walked to the bathroom and threw it away. nobody else remembers that, and grandma's memory is so... "spongy" that doesn't even remember the story at all anymore!!
stoned buffy quote Pictures, Images and Photos Reality Pictures, Images and Photos fireworks Pictures, Images and Photos
*** then there's the one where my aunt was SO ...again i'll use the word, inebriated, because any state of non-soberness can be applied when speaking in direct connection with said aunt... that i was on the receiving end of her shenanigans. i believe cannot recall the holiday on which this tidbit occurred, but i do know it had fireworks and it was one of major celebrations. take your gander as to which one. but i digress,... this aunt was feeling pretty good by this point in the late night by the time it was time to shoot off the fireworks. (in her trailer park, nonetheless. c'mon, that bit of information could not be with held, now could it? i had to add in a touch of class to this story!!) a bit of quick back story, i had just had outer ear reconstructive surgery that btw, was a big fat epic fail,... so i had this HIDEOUS monstrous big fat head cast on. it was wrapped SO.NOT.FUCKING.COOL. AT ALL. (no residual resentment there, yall. its just your imagination.) okay, back to that night, this non-sober aunt shoots off a round of fireworks that SOMEHOW find their way back to ME. to my head cast to be precise. so whats the bitch do? she starts beating on it!! never mind the MAJOR surgery i'd JUST had!! i stood there in shock as my uncle (now ex uncle, who, btw, married my aunts sister in law. yeahhhh buddy. imagine having your EX WIFE turn into your current SISTER IN LAW.) and cousins stop and stare and freak out as my aunt is beating my head relentlessly. my mother then saved the day by fleeing out the front door to my rescue. what did the aunt do? laughed and continued to shoot fireworks. seriously.

okay, that's enough for one night. my chest hurts and i'm hungry and irritable and cranky and need to get off of here. goodnight, my fellow interwebber fwiends.