Friday, July 25, 2008


I am currently reading this book entitled, The Wishing Year. It is a book based on a lady’s experiment with wishing, over the course of a year in her life. To say the least, it is majorly thought provoking. She asks all kinds of questions about wishing; if the act of wishing is the catalyst to change, or is the change spurred on by a mere perception change?
She is a fellow Taurean, practicing Buddhist, with lightly OCD/ADD driven ambitions. The book tends to wander, get winded by other book and author references, and uses hard words A LOT. (Not just big words, but hard words.)
From what I am gathering, the book has great philosophical points, and it touches a lot on spirituality, and acceptance (of everything.) So it has gotten me to thinking; what would I wish for?
I already have the love and support of a wonderful wife, semi psychotic family, and a cast of all shades of friends. I have a roof over my head. And I have food every day. Let’s see, so far, that is; food, clothing, shelter, love, and support.
Perhaps I’d wish for spiritual comfort. That is something that has always eluded me. The fundamentals of pseudo Christianity make no sense to me. I need practicality. I cannot just fly by the seat of my pants on the back of faith. I’d bust my ass. I think learning to believe in myself is a big enough feat in itself, let alone forcing myself to engage in a religion that calls upon an all knowing Creator that is everywhere simultaneously. (Note to reader: these are merely MY opinions. If it offends you, I’m sorry. I do ask for respect of my beliefs, as I do respect your religious beliefs. Another words, to each its own, here, ok? Mmmmk, thanks. Oh, and have a nice day.)
I would wish for healing from old wounds that time can never erase. As I have said, they can fade, but they still remain. I’d wish for direction in my school, and where to go, career wise. I’d wish for C to want a family with me. That in itself is a bittersweet subject, so that’s all I’ll say on that.
I could wish for fortune and fame, like everyone. From personal experience, money brings you nothing. Greed can kill. It does kill. Money does not matter to me; it never has. (And, surprisingly, I can thank my “Dad” for that.)
I am unsure if wishing for something truly has any power behind it. I think if anyone truly believes in something enough, it can happen. And maybe that’s what it is, really. Maybe that’s all anything is. Christianity, Atheism, Buddhism, love, family, friendship, war, peace, equality… It’s all conviction. Just a different flavor per person.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

farewell, zulu.

wow, its been a while. i've been on a hiatus here, as of late. don't ask me why, because i truly cannot answer that. i just felt like it, is the best excuse i can fathom. the house is coming along quite nicely. i'll be taking pictures today and posting them the next time i feel like blogging. i have been doing laundry for forever and a freakin day now. (gah. how DO two people amass SO MUCH?!) but ofcourse, i am loving it up, as i am feeling especially miss betty homemaker lately. (scary, yes, i am acutely aware.) i am enjoying my life. something inside of me feels like i've perhaps shed a bit of the pan syndrome, flown the coop, and returned home to earth. in other words, it feels like i grew up a smidge.
i am making excellent progress on the letting go of him. thank buddha. progress is indeed healing. the scars will forever be there, but are truly fading with time.
yesterday, the earth lost a powerful light. i speak of the magnificent estelle getty, aka, sophia patrillo. i am sincerely saddened by our great loss. her charitable and tireless work for the lgbt community was nothing short of saint-like worthiness. her legeacy as the widowed, former shady pines resident, quick witted, italian transplanted yankee will forever vbe fondly recalled. my own personal way of immortalizing and paying my homeage to her, will be that the next pup i get, will be affectionately named sophia. my friend, L, said it was sad. well, yea. but that's okay. as major golden girls addicts and dorks, i know she secretly is cheering me on. RIP, Estelle, you will be missed.

Sophia: Why do blessings wear disguises? If I were a blessing, I'd run around naked.

Rose: Here you are, Sophia. The perfect after-dinner treat, a nice dish of Jell-O.
Sophia: I hate Jell-O. If God wanted peaches suspended in midair, he would have filled them with helium.

Rose: [Rose is checking Sophia into the hospital] Name?
Sophia: Zulu, Queen of the Dwarf People.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

(not yet) esposa loca.

i hope Honey can keep it together long enough for us to get this thing built!!

Wednesday, July 16, 2008


life has been rather plesant lately. thank buddha! my trip home this past weekend proved quite fruitful. my parents let me have the house for friday night, as they were celebrating my mom and aunt's birthday. i just kind of hung low that night, only venturing out for food and to visit with the best grandma ever. liz came over late late that night and enlightened me on her goings on. and, oh my stars!! did it ever blow my mind.
it dredged up an interesting dream for me, when i finally fell asleep that night. it was so weird because C had kind of the same dream, but just from her perspective. so odd, indeed.
on saturday, after a visit with liz to shoney's, i treated ellis and margaret to sonic, then it was off to mcleods to visit a dear friend of mine, who had emergency surgery. he will recover just fine, and isn't permitted to return to work for a couple of weeks.
on sunday, there was the baptism/dedication for baby noah and the cookout that followed. that baby is so damnit adorable, it isn't funny. naturally, it only made that ticking louder in my ears. arggg...
i raced home on monday to my therapy appointment, and to find that the frame work began on our house. that's just SO awesome!! C is fretting that the house may be too small, but i don't think so. 1200 square foot is plenty big for us! (and that second bathroom will be put to FULL use, i assure you.)
last night, i suprised my love with an all too rare date night at a delightful restaurant over in the vista in columbia. truly scrumptious, it was!! afterwards, we waddled our way into my favorite store, barnes and nobles. we stayed in there for forever. and thanks to C, i now have two books that i absolutely cannot wait to tear through. one is a book of useless information, which, i as a total dork, absolutely LOVE. and the other is titled the wishing year. its good so far. i had an amazing night out with my wife!
when i was home alone on friday night, letting the dogs out in the backyard, i sat on the back porch steps and gazed across the yard. a flood of childhood memories came soaring back. the swingset that steve built for me, fearless jumping off the swings as high as they could get, slip n slides (omg i'd SO bust my arse on those things now, gah!!), water sprinklers, fire ants, my first dog, my first BF (yuck!) and all the ones that followed... to see the backyard now in comparison to then, is...bittersweet.
part of me wishes i could secretly step into a time machine and go to that little girl i was once to tell her that it'll all be okay. that everything will work itself out. i'd tell myself to not be such a little slut, that there were those who loved me. that i was loved. and that i will be loved. i'd tell her that richard is a bad man, to get away right THEN. to not fret about him. to tell mom about the anger. to let it out. to let it go. i'd tell myself to avoid certain people. certain situations. certain rinky dink, dead end towns that hardly anybody gets out of. i'd tell myself to revel in the moment. to be happy. to not worry about friends, because in the end, the ones who mean the most will be there in the end anyways. because they will be.
but now, as an "adult," i can see these things. and i can see that i (eventually) have accomplished these things. and as far as my little eye can see, i will revel in this happiness like a pig in mud. yes. yes, i shall revel in it.

Friday, July 11, 2008


the past two weeks have been...interesting. i had one twin last week, and the other twin this week. but during the weekend in between, july 4th to be precise, Honey and i went to a cool little shindig. a childhood friend of mine had an all day festivity that totally rocked. greeks know how to have a great, old fashioned, clean time. what was even more cool, was that my parents let us have the house for the night, with them out of town. that was really cool to know that they trust me again. that, combined with them allowing the twins to come stay with me for a few days just...ROCKS.

in other news:

- with the foundation to our house complete, the framing is set to begin on monday. yay!!
- we may try (again) to go to florida soon. i hope we aren't deterred from going, this time!!
- my "step-sister" is a douchebag. for real. can we say "denial"?!
- i have a baptism to attend on sunday. little noah is too cute, as always!! i can't wait to see him.

Monday, July 7, 2008

super dog.

july 4th was a blast with childhood friends. most definately.

then today, i locked myself out of my running truck, around the corner from my mom's house, with the truck running and harley inside. my wonderful, smart dog rolled the window down, no doubt saving the day!! woohoo!!

Thursday, July 3, 2008

family's the best.

i have officially secured my title as "the best big sister in the world." i taught mah boy what bein a country boy was all about. that freckle faced grin was all the confirmation i needed. absolutely adorable, witty, charming, and sarcastic as can be. he does me proud!
i thoroughly enjoyed spending time with him this week. and i think C did too. i think she'd make a great mama. she doesn't think so, but i do. but then again, if the situation ever comes about (*crosses fingers*), she'll be the super stressed, grey haired, hair thinning, needin xanax'es mama. i'd be the cool, laid back milf. yea, that's right, i said it,...MILF. fuck yea.
i genuinely hope and pray that one day C and i can arrive to the point of both being ready, willing, and able to have a family of our own one day. until then, call me the damn dog mama. < ahem >
anyways, our house is slowly coming along. the foundation is complete!! woohoo!!