Wednesday, October 29, 2008

early morning ramblings.

raw emotions cause waves in the water. with every splash against the raw walls yin yang Pictures, Images and Photos within me, it stings like salty water to a gaping wound. somewhere in the midst of it all, i am all too aware that though the salt water stings and burns beyond comprehension, it is healing. there goes that duality thing, again; that which causes pain, heals us within.
hope icon Pictures, Images and Photos a firm no now downgraded to a reconsideration. the walls must be bulldozed. a work in progress; life on semi-probation. limbo. resentment now morphed into hope. hope of what may come. hope was the only thing remaining inside pandora's box.
Fear me Pictures, Images and Photos she said that she was unaware how paralyzed he made me. seems to me an obvious impairment, but to her...not so much. "what you fear is what you become," states the adage. i vehemently disagree. i do believe, however, that fear has the insurmountable strength to paralyze one's self. when that occurs, we become exquisite masons by building impenetrable walls around ourselves. self preservation. to some extent, it is necessary for survival. for example, when one is the victim of abuse. but when we construct these barricades of protection, we often block out what is needed to live.
living on the edge Pictures, Images and Photos living life is not being alive. the act of merely being alive is existing. and that is no life is live. the thing i have come to ascertain is, when living life we come to see that dreams that we reach for aren't exactly what life has planned for you. sometimes wishing or dreaming for something is just the tip of the ice burg. we wind up getting more than we wished for, then we see that it makes us happier than we ever thought possible. a perfect example, my meeting Reba twice. and not only meeting her the second time, but also meeting kelly clarkson.
Math Is Hard Pictures, Images and Photos life is scary. hard. up. down. steady. unstable. backwards. agonizing pain. blissful delight. but it is life. and living life is worth every second of every possible emotion. robotically passing through this world with walls built so high around you, to where you cannot see whats around you is only cheating your own self.

Stars Pictures, Images and Photos on a different subject, tonight we had dinner for the family of the man who passed away, that C knows. the daughter and son of the man was here tonight. they sat around talking of lawyers, wills, headstones, and what a great man their daddy was. where my heart ached for their loss, it stung me as well. thats what good daddies are supposed to do; care for their offspring. i stayed subdued and quiet throughout the evening, as i really didn't know any of these folks. i just played the role of the wife, who smiled, and kept a watchful eye out for the doggies. aye. our doggies are the bestest ever. (of course i'm a teeny tiny bit biased on that judgement.)
duskwillow-halloween-bella-ej.png Pictures, Images and Photos i'm off to home for the holiday. my old buddies will keep me occupied. maybe we'll head out to the HRS haunted house. plenty of old friends and memories there!! i hope that any readers who actually read this thing take extra precaution on the roads, starting with being SOBER when driving. anyways, i'm out like clay gayken.