Tuesday, August 4, 2009


i need a vacation from our vacation. seriously. i won't sit here and pretend that a good time was not had, but i won't sit here and pretend all was perfectly rosie either. geeze, louise!! the pre-vacation drama was enough to warrant a meltdown worthy of a 5150 hold. britney spears ain't seen nothin like this!! sheer determination to seek out a middle ground of compromise held tight and proved initially fruitful... until the morning of departure. and that's when it all began...

jibs and jabs were exchanged prior to and during the approximately eight hour drive to lakeland, florida. one would think that's to be expected, as being confined in tight quarters with three additional people for extended periods of time can cause irritability. but noooooo... as fate would have it, that was just the beginning of our fun.

this is what exactly occured within the first HOUR of our arrival to our destination:
- a completely unecessary jab from the mother in law. (kudos to me for not retalliating. seriously, yall.) - the a/c unit was not working, so the place was H-O-T-T-E-R than balls covered in tobasco in a frying pan. the honey was able to get it turned on. - i go to the bathroom. (i realize that's tmi, but its imperative to the storyline.) then we proceed to unload the car. i was the last one out the door, as i was in the bathroom. i shut the door behind me to let the cool air cool down the house. BAD FRIKKING MOVE. i locked us out; keys, phones and all. honey fixed that too. - then honey needed to utilize the bathroom... and guess.what. THERE WAS NO WATER. by this point, we're all like, "what.the.fucking.bloody.hell?!" well... my honey is AWESOME, because she fixed that too. my wife pretty much fucking rocks, yes i know.

it was mostly smooth sailing after that catastrophe. the wife and i pondered what the hell happened. it was mentioned that the evil biological sperm donor's mother hexed us/me. it was a good snicker, but i'm tellin ya,... somethin out there was against us being there in florida. we forged ahead with a trip to a snazzy place with buffetts of all styles: hibatchi, sushi, and american. i gortged out on crab legs, honey on sushi, and Laverne on a lil bit of everything. we even tried frog legs; it DOES INDEED taste like chicken. bland chicken with toothpick cartiledge lookin legs.

we spent the next day lounging at the pool, enjoying the beautimus florida weather and watching the canadian/yankee old people socialize. that was a hoot in itself. after that, the honey cooked up some beaufort stew and alaskan king crab legs. so that was an awesome day in more ways than one. definitely MUCH better than the day prior!! we enjoyed the majority of the next day at indian shores/rocks beach and took a spin through clearwater beach. superb awesomeness. what WASN'T awesome was that i began to look like the crab i ate the night before. red skin isn't attractive on us fair skinned carolina girls. bah!! i got burnt on my lower legs and back of my thighs and buttcheeks. don't LoL, 'cuz that shit ain't funny, whores.

the ride home... was less than pleasurable. but we all made it home in one piece so its all good. we immediately went to retrieve my precious and precosious Wee-One, Sophia. she LITERALLY hollered at us for like, twenty minutes. have you ever had a dog yell at you? it isn't very friendly to thy ears... believe me. (and i'm saying that, deaf as i am!!) she missed me (us) so much, that when i took my bath, she curled up on the pants i had on. i had them on the floor next to the tub and she curled right up for a nap, as you can see. all is as it should be now. (excluding the homecoming of our other two furbabies, as they are still with their grandmama.) we learned our lessons on this vacation as to how to properly do next time we go. all in all, i'm glad we went, but i am glad we are home in one piece.