Thursday, August 27, 2009

dachshund googly goodness.

Things I Want To Do To My Dachshund While He's Sleeping, per

1) Take an ice cube, tape it to my nose, and jam it into their armpits.

2) Use my body to make it perfectly clear that I can only sleep exactly where their limbs rest. I'm talking UNDER that leg.

3) Take ear-sized leather flaps and whip them back and forth on their faces just to let them know that I'm awake.

4) Repeat #2 with something tail sized.

5) Shove. Hard. Using both feet AND hands.

6) Show them what it's like to wake up with someone snout-deep in your ear.

7) Kiss them on the cheeks all cute like...then throw up next to their faces.

8) Loudly drink out of their water dish until they wake up, leaving them to wonder how many other times I've done that.

9) Work up a supernatural level of heat yet demand to sleep on top of them.

10) Wake them up urgently, demand that they follow me to the bathroom, and then refuse to pee until I've sniffed everything and waited to see if they would make me breakfast first

***I DO think an amendment should be added: pouncing on their rib cages, cutting off their air supply, while licking em in the face!