Saturday, January 17, 2009

a mélange of incidental occurrences.

i have never been an easy one to love, or like, for that matter. in growing up, i hurt a lot of those who loved me dearly. the sheer weight of the guilt caused by my careless actions is immeasurable. now as i am creeping closer towards thirty, i am capable of realizing the pain i ruthlessly inflicted upon the people who once surrounded me. i accept my responsibility for my actions.
funny Pictures, Images and Photos
but i emphasize; MY actions is what i take the brunt for. what i refuse to accept any longer is being made a target for someone blinded by rage and on the attack for something that i had nothing to do with whatsoever. for years and years, i defended her and empathized with her, perhaps even when uncalled for. a flaw on my part, evidently. naivety or a deluded sense of loyalty, i'm not sure which. the buck stops here. come at me and fight me for something i did, but viciously targeting me for something COMPLETELY out of my control is nothing short of stupid absurdity. it is summarized as easily as this: i did not put the alcohol in his hands that night, i did not put the keys in his hands, i did not do anything to cause the crash that was their demise.
post secret Pictures, Images and Photos
in truth i am sorry for what she has been through this past year, i have no doubts its been extremely rough for her. i get that. however, to get mad with me for speaking truths is plain idiotic. i bowed away, telling her if it makes her feel better, gives her any peace, she can make me her target. whatever helps her sleep at night. the fact of the matter is, karma roared loud and clear. its as simple as that.
karma Pictures, Images and Photos karma Pictures, Images and Photos
anyways. i have been witnessing a strange phenomena lately. so it seems that one of the rural roads nearest to us is a favorite road to cast away unwanted chairs. this truly puzzles me. seriously, think about it. how does one constitute a back road worthy enough to discard a tender, loving chair that has taken all of your abuse? a chair that has taken all of your abuse, without so much as one word of rejection towards you. oh the drama you have inflicted upon this chair!! the weight of all your years, your hot air, your shit, your stenches...your ass's punching bag, your ass's wing man... and this is the thanks that chair gets? this phenomena just fascinates me. it truly does.
chair and candles Pictures, Images and Photos
alas, honey and i did nothing all day yesterday. we sat and watched last season of the L Word. what the fuck happened to Jenny? seriously?! she was so HOT as crazy, vulnerable Jenny, but this bitchy Jenny can suck my balls. i'm SO rooting for Bette and Tina to reconnect. seems odd to root for the past, as opposed to the future. i reckon i'm an oddball romantic. in Dawson's creek, i always wanted joey and Dawson back together. (although i was secretly okay when she ended up with pace.) in friends, i was always eager for Rachael and Ross to get it together. so yeah, Bette and Tina had better get back together. (and by the by, my vote is on Alice for Jenny's murder.)
dawsons creek Pictures, Images and Photos
Bette and Tina Pictures, Images and Photos
today honey and i were supposed to go pick up our new bedroom suit from columbia. with the weather the way it is, its just not feasible right now. so most likely, i'll dibble around the house some, perhaps dab into some art, watch a little tv, etc. a nice lazy sunday. i tell ya what though, i'm past ready for my BFF to return SAFELY from europe. ugh. damnit!! anyways. i'm out.