Wednesday, August 27, 2008


i am distraught that sordid lives: the series won't be on air for two weeks. gah. how rude!! i need my Rue fix. i guess Blanche will have to suffice. "lord, what a quandry."
i heard from my BFF today, and i couldn't have been any happier. its so odd that i am having difficulties adjusting to her move. i mean, i've lived everywhere between columbia to charleston and in between, so i've been apart from her. even now, with us living in orangeburg. i am totally at a loss as to why i'm having such issues. it doesn't matter anyways, as i get to see her this weekend, and i am stoked about that!
my honey has been doing some hard, back breaking, manual labor at our house. her wittle feetsies are hangin in there, the cute lil things!! i still like the idea of naming the house maison a la blanche. ha. and speaking of mah BFF, she totally got the DOUBLE symbolism in that. (if you're not a days of our lives fan or a golden girls fan, then you won't get it.) honey bunny isn't too keen on that idea, ofcourse.
yesterday was eight months. i guess my "sister" is swimming in money now. i wonder if her skin has a red hue now? still blinded, her magic mirror on her wall, shows no blood red at all. i am thankful i am moving on; its about god damned time. took up enough of my life as is. the world has opened up; more air to breathe. a colder winter predicted; the cause of global warming now six feet under. i am sure a cure for cancer and aids is just around the bin now. HA. i can be so twisted. however muchso, its still the truth i speak.
i went for my eye exam on monday, and i must divulge; that lil machine that shoots the puff of air into your eyeball is made by lucipher himself. tortue. bush should sign another torture memo including that with waterboarding. seriously. anyways, my new glasses are adorable. i should get them like about monday. they are kinda dorky in a cute way.
i'm getting that urge to do something with my hair again. aunt G just highlighted my hair, so i don't know what i'll do. DON'T FREAK- i'm NOT cutting it. maybe a streak of pink or purple? something kinda punkish? i don't know. i may just bring out what blonde i have out a bit more. who knows. "lord, what a quandry."

Sunday, August 24, 2008

good ol' pops.

"Styrofoam Plates"

There's a saltwater film on the jar of your ashes... i threw them to sea but a gust blew them backwards and the sting in my eyes
That you then inflicted was par for the course just as when you were living.

It's no stretch to say you were not quite a father but a donor of seeds to a poor single mother that would raise us alone, we never saw the money that went down your throat
Through the hole in your belly.

Thirteen years old in the suburbs of denver
Standing in line for Thanksgiving dinner at the catholic church. the servers wore crosses
To shield from the sufferance plauging the others. styrofoam plates, cafateria tables charity reeks of cheap wine and pity
And i'm thinking of you. i do every year
When we count all our blessings
And wonder what we're doing here.

You're a disgrace to the concept of family
The priest won't divulge that fact in his homily and i'll stand up and scream
If the mourning remain quiet, you can deck out a lie in a suit but i won't buy it.
I won't join in the procession that's speaking their peace. using five dollar words while praising his integrity. and just cause he's gone it doesn't change the fact... he was a bastard in life thus a bastard in death.

everybody made my prediction, so if i get stoned...

tonight i found out that i am carrying on an old family tradition. i meant quite literally. my grandma told me that her daddy used to work at night, then my papa (grandpa) worked at night too, and that she recalls fitting household schedules around that. with C working her hours and with my name change, it is indeed not only a right of passage, but an official seal of approval that i am forging ahead on my correct path in life; i am following the footsteps of my great grandmother and my grandma. pretty freakin neat, if you ask me. i am the latest generation that keeps the lamp burning for my sweetheart.

"...lately some of my kin folks
have disowned a few others and me
i guess its because
i kinda changed my direction
i guess i went and broke the family tradition...
everybody made my prediction
so if i get stoned
I'm just carryin'
on an old family tradition"

Friday, August 22, 2008

alas, the long awaited octipus video.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008


i tell you what, school is sure wearing me out!! i'm as tired as this pup. alas, my lovelies, i depart with a message to my wife:

i love you, bella. can't wait til you get home.

Monday, August 18, 2008

wifery inclinations.

after arriving home early saturday afternoon to discover a cranky wife with a vicious migraine, we headed to columbia to buy bundles of hardwood flooring for our house. (fyi: spending a couple of hours with a cranky wife cooped inside a car, on the highway, with a migraine... is NOT fun.)
"but i digress," sunday, C poked and proded me out of our nice, warm, toasty, and comfy bed for a spur of the moment getaway to SC's own lowcountry. and i ASSURE you,... albeit a relaxing day, it was an interesting one, to boot.
beautiful scenery, scandalous and romantic marsh smells were more than abundant. it was more than enough to give you a promise of what the south was really like, way back when. aside from all that racial and sexist prejudicial nonsense, ofcourse.
all in all, i must divulge, that THE MOST satisfying and hilarious moment of the day, was our time spent on fairview nursery road. what a relief, indeed. lol.
with darth vadar guiding our way, our day was thoroughly enjoyable. i did get doggy sick the closer we got home, though. i can't go without my babies!!

today i started school, and best believe, it wo' mah arse out!! mah C and i were so in sync today, it wasn't funny. i.e.- upon my early arrival at school, i visited the unairconditioned, one stall only, ladies room, where i had a semi freak out due to the heat. in my mind, i was thinking that i needed C's help. fast forward about 25 minutes.... C get this intuitive urge to go check on me at school. (something she's NEVER done.) so she gets there, finds my truck, only to discover i left mah headlights on and my debit card out in full view. OOPS!! okay. THEN... she found the identifying sticker that i couldn't find this morning that indicates that i am a current student. so she sticks that on mah bumper, as it should be. THEN... upon my departure from school at approximately 245 pm, we were playing text/phone tag discussing supper plans. i got irritated, and proceeded onto booger king for our food. i NEVER go there, because, well... it just isn't mah fave. i then get home, walk in the door, to find out a few minutes later that, she had indeed gone to the booger king before i had, and gotten EXACTLY what i got for her (with the exception that she ordered no mayo, and i ordered no mustard), but she'd left her food in her car when her ADD kicked in and she decided to mow the grass instead.
*deep breath*
okay, here are our lowcountry pictures. no, your eyes are NOT deceiving you. okay, i'm beat. my white ass is goin to bed now. peace out, whores.

Friday, August 15, 2008

nonchalant update.


~three of the four remaining members of Chunk's aquatic community are now deceased. Shirley, the tenacious Betta, is still hanging in there.

~i received an invitation and a little side hand written note from an AMAZING artist to an open house she is having to show her work. i am humbled beyond words. an artist of her stature inviting me. it seems so insane! she also, somehow found my blog. which is... too freakin cool!!

~i came home to florence this wednesday to chill with mah family before school started back again. my mom took me out to eat at olive garden. it was kind of awkward, but it was great having one on one time with her. i had a long talk with my sister, who is your everyday typical 16 year old. then tonight, i carried the twins out to G&L's, where i jung out with all of my aunts for a while. aunt G highlighted my hair, and aunt boo is trimming my hair in the morning.

~i got my schedule for school, and it puts me in school everyday monday through thursday. fun.

thats about it, really. oh wait- fat man resigned. i can't say anything nice, so i'll shutup. lol. peace out yall.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

the dream.

okay, so i have been doing really well with the whole dad thing lately. no nightmares, no anxiety, not too much anger, and really, not that much thought. then when i woke up today, i realized that i had the strangest dream about him. it was so odd. let me try to explain what i can, if i can make it make sense.

i was sitting at my paternal grandmother's kitchen table my aunt H. we were just sitting talking, nothing out of the ordinary. my grandmother walks up to the table, looking disheveled. she had this look about her that was...i just don't know. it looked like she was void. empty, as opposed to her usual wicked self. she had lost her damn mind. something inside me resigned to the fact that she went crazy because of dad dying. i just know that i didn't want to talk to her. the air around her was black and blue. too dreary for me. then, the next thing i know is that i have been transported back in time.

the scene changed to my being in my late teens, but i was still sitting at my grandmother's kitchen table. a bit disoriented, i looked around to gather my barings. it was soon obvious to me that i had gone back in time by about 7 or 8 years. my grandmother had (the majority of what she did have of it) her sanity, more hair, and a bit darker hair than she has now. plus, not as many wrinkles as she has now.

my aunt H walks into the kitchen, and joins us at the table. still, nothing out of the ordinary is happening. still a bit disoriented, i am trying to figure out what i am doing here, in this time period. nothing is making any sense.

then my dad, terry, and her daughter walk into my grandma's house. that is when the realization dawns upon me; dad and terry. they're alive. as they walk through the living room, and enter into the kitchen area, dad kisses me on top of my head and terry greets me with a smile and a warm hello. even though terry's daughter should be a preteen in this time period, she is the little girl i met when she was three years old. bouncy, happy go lucky, and full of life and happiness. she plops down in a chair sucking a lollipop, and her hair bounces with her; her ringlets are adorable. and best of all, she was happy to see me as well. i am painfully aware at what is in front of me. they are treating me as family,... as a member of a warm, loving, respectful family.

i am startled because even though i am there in that moment, in that time, i still have the memories of present day. the hurt, pain, and disapointment is still there inside of me. the memories are still fresh as they ever were.

"ricky," says aunt H getting dad's attention. "do you want me to make the russian salad for you this christmas?" he answers her, but the talk fades into nonsense, like charlie brown's teacher.

the damn russian salad, i realize. she made that for him for the first time in years the christmas they died. that's it. that's why i'm here.

i gasped when i came to the fork in this road. knowing what i knew about how they really treated me in present-day time, versus realizing a new path could be taken and everything could change. should i save him or not? a truly sickening burden has been forced upon me, for whatever reason i cannot fathom. hell, i don't even know how i wound up here. that theory alone was mind boggling enough, as it was. but this, this... this would seal the deal. this meant i had to look inside of my very soul to see if i was like the man that i came to know as a horrible father by denying them any chance at redeeming their fate of that cold and rainy December night,... or if i was made of all the love that my mom, my mom's mom, and my nana had instilled into me and give him the chance to be the dad i always yearned for and needed.

aunt H touched my arm and asked, "sarah, whats was wrong?"

"nothing," i say. "why?"

"you look sick," she replies.

indeed i feel sick to my stomach. gazing towards her, but not looking directly at her, i ask, "what do you do when you know something that you shouldn't?"

she stands up, grabs my arm, and leads me into the formal living room so we can talk in private. she sits me down on the sofa that smells of old people, stale cigarette smoke and a hint of mothballs. (even in my dream, i could smell it. how odd.) "what is going on with you, sarah?"

i then recall a memory of talking with her at the kitchen table we had just left. except this memory was of a conversation she and i had moments before i was brought to this time period. she told me that she believed in supernatural things. it was pretty random, but hey, this family has their oddities right?

as i am brought back to the moment where aunt H and i are sitting on the sofa, an idea dawns on me to tell her what i know. maybe she can help me. i look at her as she sits there lighting a cigarette, looking at me with worry across her face.

i lean in towards her thinking that i've got nothing to lose. "listen," i say. "i've got something to tell you. something that is going to sound absolutely crazy." i hesitate to look at her and gage what her facial expression tells me. her eyes are widened and she's leaning in towards me. good. that means she's listening. "i... i know that you believe in the supernatural, so i just need for you to believe me, believe what i say."

slightly alarmed and looking semi embarrassed, she says, "how.. do you know i believe in that?"

"it doesn't matter," i say. "i just do, ok?" she nods her head warily. i continue, "i am not from here. i am from another time period. i have been sent here from the future." i hesitate again, wincing at what i've just said, because as the words escape my mouth, i am acutely aware at the level of absurdness in what i've just spoken.

her cigarette ashes unknowingly fall to the floor as she sits there in a stunned state. between the stinging silence and her splitting stare, i cannot stand it any longer. she takes a drag and slowly releases the smoke from her lungs. she squints her eyes over her glasses because the smoke is burning them as it evaporates into thin air.

"i... i can prove it to you," i say with desperation. "i can tell you anything you want to know." i then realize the consequences of doing so, but toss the concerns aside quickly.

"okay," she says, never taking her eyes off of me. "i believe you."

a tidal wave of relief drowns me. "i couldn't figure out why i've been sent here. but i think i figured it all out. something really bad happens and i think i am supposed to stop it."

she smashes out her cigarette into the ashtray, but not before using the butt of it to light another one. i smile a little. how rednecky, i think. "well then," she says. "let's hear it."

"its dad and terry and his stupid greedy ass, arrogant ways. he got plastered at a christmas party.... Chuck's... and killed terry and himself by slamming the truck into a tree." the look on her face was nothing short of dismay and horror. i continue, against my better judgement. "and grandma... she loses her damn mind. seriously. well. she loses what mind she's got. i'll put it that way."

"are you sure," aunt H whimpers.

"i'm positive. i was at the damn funeral. i saw him... them, with my own two eyes. grandma was all f*cked up on zanax at the funeral, and then... afterwards she just lost it. she went psycho."

"you saw him? in the casket?"

"yes," i answer.

"it was one funeral?"

"yes. for the both of them, together."

she takes a deep breath and sighs. "we'll take care of this. just you see. everything will be alright."

and in the next moment, i am somehow brought back to the present day in an instant. i am again sitting at the table with aunt H and grandma. this time, though, grandma is back to her old self again. no dreary aura abound anywhere.

they are all smiles as they sit there smoking their cigarettes. then the phones rings and aunt H gets it.

"hello," she answers. "oh, hey. yea hold on," she says as she extends the phone out to grandma for her to pick up. "here mama, its ricky."

i then wake up from my dream into actual reality. i've been pondering on this ever since. its interesting that i evidently chose another path, that i chose to save him. i wonder what my subconscience is trying to tell me.

Friday, August 8, 2008

au revoir, chunk.

our freezer has become a moseleum, of sorts. well, a holding tank, rather. you see, Chunk, our biggest goldfish left us today. he/she/it will be dearly missed. the other members of the surrounding aquatic community, in which Chunk resided are still in a state of mourning. the burial is planned for saturday, august 9th 2008, somewhere in orangeburg county, south carolina. surviving relatives whereabouts are currently unknown, as Chunk's mother was a professional whore. friends state that despite Chunk's life starting off on a shady foot, he/she/it managed to rise to the occasion and have a nice life in a permenate foster home with a family who fed him too much. henceforth, due to his/her/its morbid obesity, burial is necessary. "atleast Chunk's life amounted to something," noted a fellow aquatic mate who didn't want to be identified, "Chunk's life didn't go to waste, Chunk didn't go down the drain."

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

love and laundry.

if i have to do another pile of laundry, i'll scream. damn the lunacy!! aye, mama mia. so it appears that rosie is on hiatus. aye. the pain it causes me. and speaking of pain,... my sister had a nice little ER visit yesterday. vicious sprained ankle. i was sweatin bullets there for a bit, while we were awaiting the verdict of what her affliction was/is. so she'll begin school on crutches. fun. i love my family. they're so great.
i am just now coming into my own of realizing that they've ALWAYS been my TRUE family. love is what its all about, and i know that now. while my bizzarre family is FAR from perfect, they are after all, my family. they love me for me. and that is something he could never give me throughout his entire miserable and pathetic existence. i don't think its about what you've got while you're here, rather, its all about what you leave behind. and a path of destruction wider than Katrina doesn't speak highly of him, now does it? i've made my mistakes, and gosh knows, i've made plenty of them. but i own up to it. and now, more than ever, i know just exactly how lucky and blessed i truly am. to be surrounded by authentic family and authentic friends is all you can ever ask for in this life, isn't it? i am a happy girl.
our house is truly coming along. the roofing was completed today. excitement keeps brewing!! we settled on colors for the siding and shutters. we couldn't get the original color we wanted, because, apparently, siding doesn't come in dark colors. yet the shutters do. whatever.
tell your loved ones what they mean to you. a little bit of love goes on forever. i'm ending this blog with song lyrics that speak to my core, to my soul.

Message to Myself ~ Melissa Etheridge
I'm sending out a message to myself
So that when I hear it on the radio
I will know that I am fine,
I will know that I am loved.

I warned myself of the blackness in my chest
The razors in my heart would never rest
It's funny how you find just what you seek
Love is what you get when love is what you speak

I'm sending out a message to myself
So that when I hear it on the radio
I will know that I am fine,
I will know that I am loved.

I made every choice along the way
Each day I spent in hell I chose to stay
It's funny what you fear can make you weak
Truth is what you get when truth is what you speak

I'm sending out a message to myself
So that when I hear it on the radio
I will know that I am fine,
I will know that I am loved.

So if you are listening I am just passing through
You can take some for yourself 'cause it works that way too

Sha la la la la la la la la la
Sha la la la la la la la la la
I will know that I am fine,
I will know that I am loved.

I'm sending out a message to myself
So that when I hear it on the radio
I will know that I am fine,
I will know that I am loved.

I'm sending out a message to myself
So that when I hear it on the radio
I will know that I am fine,
I will know that I am loved

Saving Grace ~ Everlast
One time around the block
2 times around the clock
3 times don't cross the little lady

So pretty & oh so bold
got a heart full of gold on a lonely road
she said "I don't even think that God can save me"

(Am I) gaining ground
(Am I) losing face
(Am I) lost & found by Saving Grace
Thankful for the gift My Angel's gave me

Born alone
We die alone
'n I'm just sittin' here by the phone
waitin for the Lord to send my callin'

Street wise from the boulevard
Jesus only knows that she tries too hard
She's only tryin' to keep the sky from fallin'

Any man says it's Heaven & Hell
Prob'ly got somethin' useless to sell
You ask me if I'm saved but what's it to ya?

Blow a quarter
cop another eighth
you're runnin' out of high, you're losin' your faith
Throw your hands up & scream halleluiah

halleluiah x4 Amen

One time around the sun
another year older and my work ain't done
it's time for me to write the final chapter

Deal the cards & roll the dice
sex drugs & rock n roll are my only vice
tryin' to figure out just what's here after

halleluiah x6 Amen

Friday, August 1, 2008


*slams head against keyboard*

agikalbyjhasm,mkjwnsm,7qwyj kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiise6uj7wikjmnsteayjkw

okay!! i feel better. i tell yall, there is NOTHING like a slamming sinus cold thingy. all that wonderful congestion all held hostage in your head, with nowhere to go, and no means of escaping. fabulous visionary difficulties, a delightful ever relentless static that remains on inside your head, thus drowning out anything anybody's telling you. (but hey, i'm already damn near deaf, so what the deuce?!) i tell you, its absolutely fantastic!

last weekend, we had my BFF, L, come up on friday. we went to see the dark knight at the orangeburg movie theatre that night. and, oh. my. bob. i don't EVEN know what to say. let me try to summarize things: the theatre is overrun by...natives. yea. oh, and the mystery sticky substance under my shoe by my seat was amazing! the oxyclean guy should look into that. seriously! maybe the army can use it to..., i dont know, stick a dildo on the side of bush's head. it would so stay on there. totally.

i'm convinced that the bible shall be amended with an eleventh commandment, stating that "one shall see 'the dark knight' or one will answer to the Lord, be struck down, sent to Lucifer himself, and dance with rich@rd @nderson on burning coals, while simultaneously arguing with Strom Thurmond that he totally likes dark meat."

seriously. look for it. the new editions will be available in two days inside the nightstand at your local motel 6. you'll have to fight your hooker for this one, folks.

...getting back on track, here. saturday we spent TWO HOURS inside of lowe's, waiting on incompetent morons. then, we met up with whom we dubbed "the lesbians." they're alright. very nice. i hope they liked us. then, on sunday, we headed for florence, and came back home on monday at lunchtime. seriously. a very tiring weekend.

anyways, that's about all i got. so peace out.