Wednesday, July 16, 2008


life has been rather plesant lately. thank buddha! my trip home this past weekend proved quite fruitful. my parents let me have the house for friday night, as they were celebrating my mom and aunt's birthday. i just kind of hung low that night, only venturing out for food and to visit with the best grandma ever. liz came over late late that night and enlightened me on her goings on. and, oh my stars!! did it ever blow my mind.
it dredged up an interesting dream for me, when i finally fell asleep that night. it was so weird because C had kind of the same dream, but just from her perspective. so odd, indeed.
on saturday, after a visit with liz to shoney's, i treated ellis and margaret to sonic, then it was off to mcleods to visit a dear friend of mine, who had emergency surgery. he will recover just fine, and isn't permitted to return to work for a couple of weeks.
on sunday, there was the baptism/dedication for baby noah and the cookout that followed. that baby is so damnit adorable, it isn't funny. naturally, it only made that ticking louder in my ears. arggg...
i raced home on monday to my therapy appointment, and to find that the frame work began on our house. that's just SO awesome!! C is fretting that the house may be too small, but i don't think so. 1200 square foot is plenty big for us! (and that second bathroom will be put to FULL use, i assure you.)
last night, i suprised my love with an all too rare date night at a delightful restaurant over in the vista in columbia. truly scrumptious, it was!! afterwards, we waddled our way into my favorite store, barnes and nobles. we stayed in there for forever. and thanks to C, i now have two books that i absolutely cannot wait to tear through. one is a book of useless information, which, i as a total dork, absolutely LOVE. and the other is titled the wishing year. its good so far. i had an amazing night out with my wife!
when i was home alone on friday night, letting the dogs out in the backyard, i sat on the back porch steps and gazed across the yard. a flood of childhood memories came soaring back. the swingset that steve built for me, fearless jumping off the swings as high as they could get, slip n slides (omg i'd SO bust my arse on those things now, gah!!), water sprinklers, fire ants, my first dog, my first BF (yuck!) and all the ones that followed... to see the backyard now in comparison to then, is...bittersweet.
part of me wishes i could secretly step into a time machine and go to that little girl i was once to tell her that it'll all be okay. that everything will work itself out. i'd tell myself to not be such a little slut, that there were those who loved me. that i was loved. and that i will be loved. i'd tell her that richard is a bad man, to get away right THEN. to not fret about him. to tell mom about the anger. to let it out. to let it go. i'd tell myself to avoid certain people. certain situations. certain rinky dink, dead end towns that hardly anybody gets out of. i'd tell myself to revel in the moment. to be happy. to not worry about friends, because in the end, the ones who mean the most will be there in the end anyways. because they will be.
but now, as an "adult," i can see these things. and i can see that i (eventually) have accomplished these things. and as far as my little eye can see, i will revel in this happiness like a pig in mud. yes. yes, i shall revel in it.