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Sunday, November 8, 2009

nothingness.

i feel like a carcass that has been gutted. i'm empty inside. i am a hollow shell of myself. i cried myself to sleep last night, and i honestly want to again tonight. she is in charleston, three sheets to the wind, having a grand ol' time, living it up, partying, laughing, and carrying on. i'm at my mother's listening to one of my brothers blow his nose. when will this crippling aching subside? i cannot carry this pain much longer; every breath hurts, every beat of my heart cries for her, every dream yearns for her, for her touch, her caress, her kiss, her love.

i am not coming undone; i am undone. i am nothing. i am not a wife, i am not a partner. i am not me.

i am nothing.

2 comments:

Anemone Pie said...

Well, I just found my way in here and I'm glad I did. I'm also terribly sorry for how you hurt. :-(

Propane Amy said...

You will be OK. I've been where you are at. Your whole world has just come crashing down. You feel like there's nothing good anywhere let alone inside you. But you are a strong woman. And even though it doesn't seem like it now, your life will slowly come back together. Try to find one thing to focus on. You have furbabies right? That's where you need to focus. They need you. They need you to love them and take care of them. Start there...