southern fried.

there is this delightful little quiz on face.book that determines which county in south carolina you truly belong in. its just a fun, thoughtless time killer to pass the day. i took the said quiz and received the answer of Marlboro County, "You probably don't have much money, and don't mind it that way. You don't care if the schools are older than your grandma, because your grandma probably lives in the area. The beach isn't too far away, but you probably just like huntin' in the woods more than the beach. You might like a little fly fishin' on the weekend too. You hate cities, and you like being so close to Darlington for the NASCAR races. Come to think of it, Dillon or Darlington Counties would probably suit you just as well!" Now see, the more appropriate answer most definitely would've been Darlington County. That is where the majority of my friends live.

DarCo is where I spent the rebellious and most self destructive days of my careless youth. It is where I had my first broken heart, my first real country parties, my most haunted memories of childhood abuse, the place where I found who my truest friends are, the place where my monster was taken from this world, the place I made my most stupid and reckless mistakes,... Darlington County is the place where I grew up on my own accord. to say i lost my virginity in this county is actually perfect. i mean that not only in the literal sense but the metaphoric sense as well. first girlfriend, first boyfriend, first dose of reality,... you know, the real bitches of growing up. (i of course speak of no ill will towards either of the first boyfriend or girlfriend, as to one of whom i am still close with, platonically, naturally.) the memories that county holds for me is almost unparalleled to any other county. it is closely rivaled for second place by my hometown county, the place of which i was born in... Florence County.

the railroad tracks in darlington county never fail to spring a smile on my face. when my own mother was a young mother and a fresh faced teacher just out of college, her first teaching job was in said county. in the mornings on her way to work, she'd ride along side her daddy, my papa, who was the train engineer taking the train through darlington county at that precise time. he'd wave and blow the whistle for my mama. i always thought that was super special. thats what real daddies do, you know? real daddies are there for your prom, for teaching you how to drive, and even for taking their daughters to girl scout camp for Fathers Day to go fishing and catch their first fish.
darlington county is a place chocked slap full of trailer trash, die hard nascar addicted, rednecks with life stories that are sad, pathetic, sordid, and yet alluring in that comedic-omg-this old woman peed on your floor kind of way. i was watching this new show that the wife introduced me to, called trailer park boys. OMG. its in canada though. i sat watching this awkwardly funny totally ingenious show thinking, the only thing that could make this even better would be if it was SOUTHERN. like, i would want to carry a lil camcorder into various trailers around florence and darlington counties and voila! now THAT'D be entertainment, yall!! **side note: while i enjoy being a SOUTHERN girl, i am in NO WAY a confederate flag wearing racist bigot!!**



GISM #6 of 365:
i am thankful for where i grew up; home.

poll.

unfathomable antics in the south.

my oh my, oh my... how i have quite the pictorial update for yall!! for starters, i thoroughly enjoyed my time in darlington with my wonderful friends. we relaxed, talked, were mischievous (of course!!), and just had plain ol' fun in general. my hair got dyed back to its closest to natural color that yall will ever see on me; a brunette-ish/auburnish color. the oldest ML daughter said she wanted to straighten my hair, to which i said it'd be too much for her to try to tame. she challenged me and proved me wrong point blank. cite the given photo as evidence.

the grass areas surrounding our abode have surprisingly grown faster than we'd expected it to. it looks MUCH better than it did when the wife and the father in law first put down the sod. our yard is no longer a total mud hole now. :-)


i have an UH-MAY-ZING short story for yall. this only happens in the south, and i swear to yall, that this is a 100% non-fiction story. Dan and Shan are married with two toddlers. They recently moved out of one said trailer park to move into another. The new trailer park is much, much nicer. Let it be known that one reason for moving from the previous park was the residents. One in particular. We'll call her Virginia. Virginia is a CRAZY old coot; Middle aged, old woman who never had any children. (Thank heavens!!) Virginia went to visit Shan and Dan for an overnight visit at their new place. Upon awaking the next morning, Shan spots a towel lying on the floor directly in front of her front door. Her usual culprits had been in bed all night, so she was curious as to what was going on here.

Virginia informs her that she couldn't make it to the turrlet so she cops a squat right there. yes, you read that correctly. Let me repeat it so you can wrap your mind around this. A middle aged old coot, who is a fully functioning individual (as in, no Alzheimer's) took a piss in the floor at Shan and Dan's. oh.my.gawd. oh and this jewel of a story doesn't end there, no. Shan flips her lid and begins furiously shampooing the carpet as Virginia sits on and watches. Dan walks in the door sweating profusely and grabs the nearest towel to wipe his face. yes. yes, yes, yes, the inevitable occurs. Dan wipes his face with the pee soaked towel Virginia used to cover up her pee spot.

what can you say to that? seriously, yall. what can you say?

brief update.

i have been out of town hanging out with friends this weekend in darlington and i have been having a BLAST!! the only aggravation is that my friend is stuck in the prehistoric ages on dial up. grrrr!!

but we did manage to dye mah hair auburn, which looks good. my friend then said she could straighten mah hair and i said nu uh, the weathers too bad. (those of you with curly hair in the south will comprehend.) i tried in vain to download a picture for yall but bah!! dial up is my mortal enemy. i'll post more tomorrow and sort through emails and what not. apparently i won a contest again on another blog... yay!!

commendable things.

this link made me get all teary eyed. and p.s.- my headache is still slutting it up in my brain. damn whore.

GISM #5 of 365:
i am grateful for my doggies.

gardening and white trash.

i have been a mischievous Tasmanian devil of a house wife lately. let me explain: the wife slaved over cleaning the kitchen until it was sparkly and shiny. that night after she left for work, i tore it up. i did my indoor gardening on the kitchen counter. my excuse? i needed to be near the sink for the hot water. i am using one of those transplant pots that are biodegradable and are meant to be transferred into the ground once the sprouts are strong enough to endure the move. they came with this frisbee looking thing in the pots. add a specified amount of hot water and presto! a pot full of moist compost. it reminded me of those toys on the kiddie isle in the dollar store that look like pills but really aren't. you add the water and it morphs into some random creature, like a Brachiosaurus or a turtle or something. but alas, i am to clean up my mess in the kitchen today. i have a nagging headache and my hands are bothering me. i'll get to cleaning when i'm good and damn well ready. (i think i am also PMSing. gee, can ya tell?)


i am currently soaking olive tree seeds. i bought them for the wife because she loves, loves, loves olives. this is indoor tree seeds that i purchased. i may have bit off more than i can chew though. you have to keep the seeds at just the right temperature and keep the compost mix consistently moist but not water logged. i may need to plan up some ghetto indoor mini greenhouse to accomplish this for the wife. i want to grow an indoor lemon or some other citrus tree for her as well. she is crazy for her olives, lemons, pickles, and her wild plums. oh the things we do to try and make our loved ones happy.


i had to do another stepping stone for harley. when i removed them all from the plastic molds after they dried, all but one came out without a hitch. harley's cracked in half like britney spears on a psyche eval. so i redid his and am currently waiting to see if his redo is satisfactory to my standards. i have also been working on a new painting, inspired by my girls. i'm doing it as a thank you for one of my BFFs, whom i'll call the Laverne to my Shirley. and speaking of BFFs, my other one, whom i'll call the babysitter, is now officially on her way to being a step grandma. in HER words, "oh how the redneck drama flows." this is irony in its utmost classic form. outside looking in, its sad and pathetic,... and funny. the cycle never stops. i'll leave it at that. i'm gonna go lay down now because this blasted headache has yet to go away and its starting to really piss me off now. peace out, my fellow interwebber friends.

representin' tha 'burg.

the wife woke me at 7:30 am for a top-of-the-morning trip to the soc.ial secur.ity office here in orangeburg. the ss administration have made a costly blunder with my account, so we were there to try to get that straightened out. ha! fat chance. red tape and pushing paper work GALORE!! but i did manage to snap a fantastic picture that really sums up the orangeburg social security office to a 't.' ...yes that IS a neck brace and yes, those ARE curlers. don't be hatin, you jus' jealous.