Thursday, December 18, 2008


its been quite a while since i've last blogged.
i'm sorry, my fellow bloggers and readers.
life, sometimes it happens, ya know?
where to begin...
well i'll just make this entry like a bulletin because there is so much to talk about.

*cheryl and i went through a really hard time. i finally stood up for what i felt needed to be defended. it was very hard to do. but i had stewed on the subject matter long enough, i'd taken into account all of the circumstances, and felt compelled to resolve the issue once and for all. the truth is, it hurt down to my core. my newfound sense of no fear supplied my courage to carry through. i don't know what will become of us. i relinquished control to the fates that be. not that i don't love her, because gosh almighty, i do. i just am tired of worrying. so to relieve that anxiety, i said "oh well. what will be, will be."

*i went to the crash site. this december 26th will be the one year anniversary. i rid my life of the parasites that are his family. (the one cousin excluded.) i am no longer hung up on what jack thinks of me. oh well with that situation, too. again, its not that i don't care, because i do. i'm just over the worrying aspect of it all. anyways. i finally conquered going to see it for myself. and wow. talk about an unnerving experience. i saw it. i felt it. i smelled it. i touched it. the plethora of emotions that ransacked my psyche were broad; relief, anger, sadness, etc. after damn near passing out, i left. i'm glad i conquered it. i needed to. i took a momento from the tree; some wood to keep it fresh for me. i never want to forget or forgive the pain he inflicted, and that will do just that for me.

*not too long ago, i wished for a turtle. ten miles later, there she was in the middle of the road like a present from above. i wished for a kitty kitty. not long after, a spade female who's great with dogs, asks to go out, and who isn't clingy, shows up one night at my back door. well. i wished for a teacup dog like radar, and like pnut. well. fate handed me a chorkie. all four and a half pounds. i got exactly what i asked for. she's perfect for me. hell, she IS me in a dog. i swear, yall. its kinda scary, actually. i named her sophia, as in sophia patrillo. i'd said when estelle getty died that my next dog would be named sophia in her honor. she kind of looks like sophia, the character, too. she has a small grayish head, she's old, can be cranky, cute as a bedbug, and funny. seriously!!

*my friends have been absolutely wonderful to me during this timultuous time here lately. huddle house visits and baby googling have eased my heartache. -side note... at the huddle house, i ran into my step-mother's father. it was very awkward because he still associates with my father's mother and i don't. kinda odd. yea. but he was as nice as he's ever been to me, though.-

*cheryl's car battery died on her way to work one night. then later that week, my tire went flat. and great stars!! what fuckery that was!! and NOW, the brakes on her car are messed up, so that goes into the shop in the morning. she drove my truck to work tonight. grrrr... i get a bit testy when my truck is not by my side.

*my anxiety has elevated to an uncomfortable point. i am unsure if it is due to the recent ongoings or the impending holidays or the anniversary. i may just bide my time and see if it subsides after the holidays have safely passed. if it doesn't then i will have to speak with my doctor about that.

*the house progress is SLOWLY coming along. cheryl's dad quoted about 5 to 6 weeks weeks until we move, but i just don't see that. i'm thinking feb. or march.

well dear ones, that's about it for me. i'll bid you ado, and say goodnight. peace out