Thursday, April 24, 2008

Blanche: I'm from the South! Flirting is part of my heritage.

here i sit, alone at night...and the following lines creep in my head...
"aint no sunshine when she's gone, when she's gone away"
james taylor does a remarkable cover of it, too, by the way.

my therapist said it right when she said that my mood doesn't match a celebratory mood.
that's why i'm not into my birthday this year.
she also disagrees with my GP about my diagnosis.
she doesn't believe that its ADD,
but she didn't say specifically what she thought was happening with me.
she gave me some fill in the bubble test with 400 questions to take so she can make her diagnosis properly.
i'm not waiting an entire week until our next visit, like i usually do.
i'm going in on tuesday, as opposed to thursday.
and...she wants me to call her over the weekend to "check in with her."
i'm not understanding that, because i mean,
there are no suicidal or inflicting harm thoughts goin on.
gave me her cell and her house number.
she wants to get everything cleared up and worked on over the summer.
nothing too hard,
doing easy, simple, small things i enjoy.
and working on getting me back to (my) normal.
but then, ya know,...
time goes forward, and maybe i can't go back...
but i can grow.
i have to learn to be okay with the fact that i had him as my father
and that he is now 6 feet under, rotting away like the piece of shit he was.
i'm unsure if this is part of growing up.
but it kinda feels like it.
and i mean, i have faith in myself to know that i WILL come out of this situation stronger than i ever was.
it just seems like its so far away,...
a big bump in my path.

everything changes and nothing stays the same.

so this weekend, C and i are off to florence to see my family.
i do not want a birthday party, obviously.
so its just freeman's bakery birthday cake
and i am SO okay with that!!
i hope my appetite returns long enough for me to enjoy it.
in its current state,
its deficiency is unnerving.
NOTHING tastes decent.
not even my damn dr. pepper, and that's

after our arrival in florence, we will get all dolled up for a trip to the Florence Little Theatre to see liz and costas.
liz is playing a loud mouthed slut.
so basically, she's blanche.

Blanche: I'm as jumpy as a virgin at a prison rodeo!

Blanche: Well, I certainly didn't wait for my wedding night, honey. I couldn't - I had these urges. You know, in the South, we mature faster. I think it's the heat.
Dorothy: I think it's the gin.

Blanche: I am abhorred!
Sophia: We know what you are Blanche. I'm glad to finally hear you admit it.
Blanche: Sophia, I said "abhorred".
Sophia: A whore, a slut, a tramp, it's all the same.

Blanche: I know but now there's more at stake, everything's changed. It's all new and exciting. In many ways I feel just the way I felt when I was a virgin.
Sophia: You mean the feeling isn't gonna last long?
Blanche: Are you implying I lost my virginity at an early age?
Sophia: I'm just saying you're lucky Jack and Jill Magazine didn't have a gossip column.
Dorothy: Ma!
Blanche: I'm sorry, Sophia. But I'm not gonna let your skepticism ruin my entire evening. Mel and I were meant to be together.
Sophia: I wish I could say the same for your thighs. God, I'm hot tonight.
Blanche: I'm not gonna stand for this.
Sophia: Take it, Dorothy!
Dorothy: But I'll bet you'll lie down for it.
Sophia: Well that was just plain rude!
Blanche: Some people just don't know when to quit.