labor day vacation.

my adorable bloggers, i've not forgotten you; i've been on vacation with the crazy crew that is my family. overall the trip went great. i do have some remaining sanity left in tact. that totally surprised me, by the way. the majority of my family retreated down to cherry grove beach to a house that belongs to a family member of a family friend. there were quite a few hairy moments during the trip, but overall, it was great.
one favorite moment was a dry ice bomb. that was pretty awesome. then another favorite moment was when we caught some crabs in the crab trap, them bitches was fuckin!! seriously!! attached and everything!! we began packing up the vehicles yesterday when one baby brother got over zealous in his efforts to haul items to various vehicles and tripped on the stairs. long story short, we think he broke his elbow into two places. he went to get a permenant cast today but the swelling was too great for them to properly do so. he has to wait two weeks for new xrays to determine the course of treatment.
naturally i got home to mom's and was a-okay. i woke up this morning sick as a damn dog. idk, so don't ask. i'm going to the doc-in-the-box in the morning. but i was fine the entire trip to the beach, then BAM!! ugh. atleast its not a possible broken elbow like my lil brother. included are beach pics. enjoy!!

the ENTIRE time, sophia (wee-one) pulled her manipulative i'm-so-feeble-hold-me-bullshit. as you can see, one aunt fell for her antics.







the epitome of a vacation, right here, yall. suck it, betches!!








the crabs were attached and gettin jiggy wid it!!









na-na-na-na-na-na, get jiggy wid it....






a humongus hole the twins and their friend dug on the beach; they're pretty proud of it.










front of the house.







the first crab we caught.






the dry ice bomb. heh.











the canal we were on.







"...the bitch is back,...." ~elton john. (my aunt.)








who's jumpin in the canal first?








that shit was chill-ayyyyyyyyyyy

bitching and bitches.

seriously, if i don't get better SOON, i'm going to find a loaded gun and take it out on some poor unsuspecting gum tree in our backyard somewhere. this is lunacy, i tell you. i am acutely accustomed to having hoards of slithering mucus cascading down my sinus cavities, but this wheezing crud has got to cease and desist immediately!! to what office do i go and apply to and scream furiously at some poor minimum wage supervisor that my body has got to start responding to ANY one of the gobs of meds they put me on?! i need results, damnit!! not tomorrow, not in five minutes,...I NEED THEM NOW!!


i feel slightly better sending that out there into cyberspace. slightly. ugh. last time i had bronchitis it did not take a freakin week for me to assimilate. i don't think it did, anyways. that was back in my slut days, when my days were filled with wearing slutty outfits, flirting with whomever necessary to get the desired schedule (for work), finding out where the next party was, and running away from Florence as fast as my p.o.s. car could take me. i don't miss those days AT ALL. i don't think it took a week... at least i don't think so. i don't really recall too much from that week. i do, however, remember codeine cough syrup and beer don't mix too well. common sense should've told me this would not mix well together, one would think. no, it didn't. to seal the deal of my severe case of dumb-itus, i chained smoked marlboro reds that week. yeaahhhhhhhhhhhh. i rocked the dumbass award that week.


i don't know if it is because i truly dislike the guy and i am dancing ever so lightly on the verge of reality that i find this hilarious, or what, but my best friend's husband disappeared tonight from his house. my best friend got all worried because he left his cell, wallet, and his truck. (he is on the fire department, so whenever he disappears he always has these with him.) she's on the phone with me trying to solve the mystery of his whereabouts when she spots him. his explanation? he was chasing a raccoon from their trashcan. he was going to shoot it with his BB gun. yes sirrrrrrreeeeeee bob. they live in a city, my dear interwebber fwiends, and i in the country. and by MY standards,...even THAT is rednecky and just damnit dumb. but then again, this IS her husband. and what a smart man he already is.


i feel a story dawning upon us... let's shake the lopsided family tree and see which rotten apples hit the ground. hmmmm... i'm feeling an aunt story coming on. my mom's sister is personally a favorite character of mine to satirize. there are so many things to tell about this lovely,...'lady.' but alas, i do not know the entire stories to them all, so little snippets of each compiled into a compilation will have to suffice.
*** my grandma was going through a phase where she had auburn hair but evidently needed a trim. being that the aunt in question was attending the local beauty school, my grandma corralled her into the seemingly simple job at hand. my aunt tried to persuade my grandma into taking another route, such as getting somebody else to take on this requested task. all that was told through the years is that my aunt was "inebriated." this could have quite possibly been stoned or drunk, or if it was a particularly bad day (or a celebration) it could have been both. this story ends with my grandma donning her finest BLOND WIG to the church function, where she had to man the oven in the kitchen. apparently my aunt was sooooooo intoxicated that the simple hair cut turned into one HELL of an atrocity. (just pause this momentarily. can you imagine your best friend going from auburn hair to nonchalantly showing up to a church function in a blond damn wig?!) my grandma, having the best of all luck, SINGED the bangs on her FINE blond wig on the oven door. it has since been reputed as to what grandma did with this wig. i recall her stating she casually walked to the bathroom and threw it away. nobody else remembers that, and grandma's memory is so... "spongy" that doesn't even remember the story at all anymore!!

*** then there's the one where my aunt was SO ...again i'll use the word, inebriated, because any state of non-soberness can be applied when speaking in direct connection with said aunt... that i was on the receiving end of her shenanigans. i believe cannot recall the holiday on which this tidbit occurred, but i do know it had fireworks and it was one of major celebrations. take your gander as to which one. but i digress,... this aunt was feeling pretty good by this point in the late night by the time it was time to shoot off the fireworks. (in her trailer park, nonetheless. c'mon, that bit of information could not be with held, now could it? i had to add in a touch of class to this story!!) a bit of quick back story, i had just had outer ear reconstructive surgery that btw, was a big fat epic fail,... so i had this HIDEOUS monstrous big fat head cast on. it was wrapped all.the.damn.way.around.my.head. SO.NOT.FUCKING.COOL. AT ALL. (no residual resentment there, yall. its just your imagination.) okay, back to that night, this non-sober aunt shoots off a round of fireworks that SOMEHOW find their way back to ME. to my head cast to be precise. so whats the bitch do? she starts beating on it!! never mind the MAJOR surgery i'd JUST had!! i stood there in shock as my uncle (now ex uncle, who, btw, married my aunts sister in law. yeahhhh buddy. imagine having your EX WIFE turn into your current SISTER IN LAW.) and cousins stop and stare and freak out as my aunt is beating my head relentlessly. my mother then saved the day by fleeing out the front door to my rescue. what did the aunt do? laughed and continued to shoot fireworks. seriously.

okay, that's enough for one night. my chest hurts and i'm hungry and irritable and cranky and need to get off of here. goodnight, my fellow interwebber fwiends.

je suis béni.

yesterday was my grandma's 80th birthday and my sister's 17th birthday. it was bittersweet. we were supposed to have gone to eat at grandma's favorite restaurant, but once she realized that my aunt couldn't accompany us, she didn't want to go. i guess my aunt has become her safety blanket. talk about a defective blanket from the factory!! that blanket got caught up in the machine at the plant, spit out, rejected, and still got sent out to the public...the dye they used for coloring that fabric must have been made from the poppy fields because she's damn sure acting like she's been exposed to some pretty strong opiates. or, maybe the bitch is just plain psycho. either way, the dysfunctional (and delusional) 'security' my grandma gets from this blanket is evidently what she thinks she needs.



so my wonderful wife and i opted to bring her favorite dish from her favorite restaurant to her for supper. yea, yea, i know, i know... i ROCK as a grand daughter. no ego there, eh? on the way to grandma's house the wifey and i were chatting, and i quoted a true sophia saying to her about my grandma's 80th birthday. "once you hit 80, every birthday without a headstone is a milestone!!" yes, yes. i crack myself up. but alas, we had to leave her house suddenly because i became overheated rather quickly. when that happens, i get really sick really fast. i get all discombobulated. seriously. its no fun. at all.


the packing is still under way. aye karumba!! it doesn't look so hard, but it is all of the repetitive bending that is bothering me. my back feels okay as of right now. i took it easy today to give my back a rest. hopefully tomorrow i can go back to full force and get a lot more packed. i'm getting so super stoked about moving. i told my wifey that i couldn't wait to go and buy shower curtains and such. yay!! that sounds so matronly doesn't it? oh well, i'm a future milf anyways.


when honey was talking to my favorite old woman yesterday, she told her that i was utterly in love with my wee-one, sophia. it hadn't dawned on me until she said it, but i am!! i love my harley and absolutely adore my jackson, but i am in love with sophia. what my honey bunny said touched my heart. and speaking of my honey, our four year anniversary is approaching quite fast. hmmm... i gotta get those creative juices flowing so i can do something for her.

wrecklessness.

holy be-jesus! attack of the psycho aunt, seriously, yall. so the story i have is un-effing-believable. i go home, to find that the aunt and grandmother have obtained a new/used vehicle that is nice. a sleek saturn van with all the bells and whistles. but, i digress. i take twin A to accompany me to the gathering place Saturday night. while in the company of the other aunt, the uncle, the cousin, and the rest of the hippie crowd, a good time ensued,...or so i mistakenly thought.
Sunday morning rolls around, and i am rudely bombarded by a crazy tirade. the aunt in question bombarded my Mama's house, knowing it was only myself and the twins who were present and accounted for in the house. she unloaded on me with both barrels, accusing me with such preposterous lies that stung my heart like salt covered nails in a gaping flesh wound behind the knee. her delusions were as grandiose and real as all of walt disney's fables. she knew which buttons to mash, knowing what damages it would inflict upon me. the despicable lies rolled off her tongue as easily as water off of a duck's back. it was scary. to know that somebody whom you love can willfully strike such pain down upon you is scary as it gets.
i'm unsure what event transpired, or if any, but come Tuesday, my phone rang alive with an apology. albeit at first the wrong apology, the correct one found its way to my ears. i'd like to believe it was inspired by a word of prayer from my own female co-creator. either way, an apology was given. miscommunications were corrected, but forgiveness not given. the barbs of pain damaged my heart too much to be easily erased by a mere apology. only time can fade that into a soon forgotten scar that will be blended in amongst the rest.
i am unsure as to what the purpose of all of this drama was. what was my lesson to be learned? as it wasn't i who begun any of this, so i am unsure what to think. perhaps it serves as a reminder of what i could be, if i let loose my own anger. and buddha knows, that just isn't happenin'. what i do know is that the tide still turns.
thursday, C will be in charleston visiting a loved one on life support. she's hoping for the best, but bracing for the worst. its a tragedy all around. pain bounces around like children on a trampoline; wild, uncaring, free, careless, and wreckless. my heart goes out to her, and the family this tragedy was cast upon.


The ranks of the stars move in progression, the sun and the moon shine in turn, the four seasons succeed each other in good order, the yin and yang go through their great transformations, and the wind and the rain pass over the whole land... -Xunzi