updates.

a few quick updates:

*when we initially bought appliances for the house, honey researched all of our options. we eventually settled for the stainless steel, double doored Kenmore. (by the way, who THE FUCK'S idea was it to make the doors of the stainless steels non-magnetic?! i mean, really.) we have the sears warranty on it, for preventitive measures. low and behold, honey discovered several minute acid etchings on the doors. that is not what we paid good money for. so she called sears and they said no problem. they mailed us two replacement doors. the technician would then come to install them. but no; it couldn't be that easy. the doors were banged up on the bottom, obvious from the in-transit journey. so we called them back; they sent a second pair. guess what? the same thing. so by now we have 4, count the, 1, 2, 3, 4, refridgerator doors that we cannot use. honey called them back and they scheduled an appointment for the technician to come. ("anytime between 8 a.m. and 5:30 p.m." don't you just love that shit?! i detest fucking corporations.) so anyways, the dude arrives and deems the doors, in fact, unusable. (gee. really? thanks, einstein.) he says the doors cost sears $400 a piece. that meant that we had $1600 worth of useless doors sitting in their boxes on our front porch. (thus making our house and yard look dangerously close to looking like trash.) dude said that we would get a new fridge. now, we are down to a brand spanking new fridge, with two perfect doors on it, and no doors on our front porch.

*i purchased an adorable little HP Mini with a 10.1 inch screen. its just my size. i got a good price for it, but i tell you. i'm frugle now. so when i had to shell out about $500, i got all flushed in the face. granted the computer wasn't $500, but it totaled about that price with some accessories i got with it. i got honey some CD that she wanted and i got my queen's CD, Keep On Loving You.

*i have a slurry of birthdays in october; my honey, lizasaurus, ashes, mason, and billy. that is a lot of cards and gifts to buy!!

crazy antics.

okay so in all honesty, not a heck of a whole bunch has been going on around these parts. life is plodding along, quietly and quite nicely.

no sooner did i get that typed out when there was a knock at our front door. a friend of wifey's, a fellow 'family' member of the male species, wanted to borrow the computer to look something up. i happily obliged him. apparently, he was looking for flamingos. and no, not of the plastic persuasion. he was looking where to purchase a real.live.eating.breathing.shitting.pink flamingo. because its so classy. yes, yes. it takes all kinds, i suppose.

as far as the pictures go, they are pretty much self explanatory. all three of our furbabies chillin out on a fantastically cool summer's day, brothers in combat, harley and jackson resting from a bout of "wrassling," evil kittykitty proving my theory that felines are all out to plot and destroy the world (or in our kitty's case, the back of my wife's head), me at a cookout, the wifey and i at a cookout, and last but not least,... harley looking on as our youngest son gets violently raped by his incestuous sister. i can see her in her mind thinking, "who's the bitch now, BITCH?!"

yet another run-in with a member of the evil tyrant's family has once again stunned me. seriously, the majority of these people are equivalent to cockroaches, they never die or go away. (unless you liquor them up really good, apparently.) i feel so stupid EVERY TIME one of them manages to stun me with their ever so eloquent level of... trashiness. i can't find the word i am looking for to adequately describe what it is that these people bring forth upon the world. you would think that after 27 years of being CONTINUOUSLY surprised by their antics that i'd be used to it by now. but no sir'eee bob, the surprises just keep a'comin. as is, i pay a whopping $5 per month to block a specific household and its members from calling my cell. (that's a lot of money per year, if you think about it, to just keep the cockroaches away.) but it gives me peace of mind, so its worth every penny. something told me to deny her request as a friend on face.book. but no, i shut that voice up so foolishly, just as i do everytime, hoping against all hope that these people have bathed in a tub of decency. one day i'll learn, i hope. its hard as hell to deplete their filth off of you. its off to my own tub of decency and love and support to wash away more dirt from this preverbial never ending war, in which i wish and wish and wish to be over.

unfathomable antics in the south.

my oh my, oh my... how i have quite the pictorial update for yall!! for starters, i thoroughly enjoyed my time in darlington with my wonderful friends. we relaxed, talked, were mischievous (of course!!), and just had plain ol' fun in general. my hair got dyed back to its closest to natural color that yall will ever see on me; a brunette-ish/auburnish color. the oldest ML daughter said she wanted to straighten my hair, to which i said it'd be too much for her to try to tame. she challenged me and proved me wrong point blank. cite the given photo as evidence.

the grass areas surrounding our abode have surprisingly grown faster than we'd expected it to. it looks MUCH better than it did when the wife and the father in law first put down the sod. our yard is no longer a total mud hole now. :-)


i have an UH-MAY-ZING short story for yall. this only happens in the south, and i swear to yall, that this is a 100% non-fiction story. Dan and Shan are married with two toddlers. They recently moved out of one said trailer park to move into another. The new trailer park is much, much nicer. Let it be known that one reason for moving from the previous park was the residents. One in particular. We'll call her Virginia. Virginia is a CRAZY old coot; Middle aged, old woman who never had any children. (Thank heavens!!) Virginia went to visit Shan and Dan for an overnight visit at their new place. Upon awaking the next morning, Shan spots a towel lying on the floor directly in front of her front door. Her usual culprits had been in bed all night, so she was curious as to what was going on here.

Virginia informs her that she couldn't make it to the turrlet so she cops a squat right there. yes, you read that correctly. Let me repeat it so you can wrap your mind around this. A middle aged old coot, who is a fully functioning individual (as in, no Alzheimer's) took a piss in the floor at Shan and Dan's. oh.my.gawd. oh and this jewel of a story doesn't end there, no. Shan flips her lid and begins furiously shampooing the carpet as Virginia sits on and watches. Dan walks in the door sweating profusely and grabs the nearest towel to wipe his face. yes. yes, yes, yes, the inevitable occurs. Dan wipes his face with the pee soaked towel Virginia used to cover up her pee spot.

what can you say to that? seriously, yall. what can you say?

"sunday kind of love,..."

alas, my interwebber friends, i have returned to the abode. my time spent in darlington was awesome; there is truly nothing better than spending good quality time with your friends and loved ones.


the wife and i were supposed to go down to the lowcountry today but were deterred by the weather. how unfortunate, because i was looking forward to smelly the special smell of the marshes and being in awe of the landscape... and not to mention, taking that first deep breath of the wonderful salty air of the carolina coast!! i suppose today will be another lazy sunday spent napping and eating boiled pnuts. can't get much better than that!!

GISM #4 of 365:
i am grateful for true friends.

timeout...

i'm taking a timeout from my usual humor to be serious for a moment. my friend is in the beginning stages of a separation from her husband. its hard watching it all go down. i fight the urge to fight her battles for her. its not that i believe she is incapable or incompetent, no. i can't stand watching the douchebaggery. and not on her part either. there is stupid and then there's genetically altered- dumb as dog shit- kind of stupid. woof.


he asked her tonight who was influencing her, no doubt emphatically implying me. she of course said nobody. he believes what he believes, however obscure his vision is. she..., she knows how she feels inside. whether or not she can verbalize the how or why's of her feelings doesn't matter. she feels what she feels. for him to disagree and get indignant, bothered, or insecure because she feels the way she does speaks volumes of himself. everybody is entitled to their OWN feelings, justified in their partner's eyes or not. for example, if you feel bitchy today, that's how YOU feel. if your partner cannot accept the why's or how's of your bitchiness, then a wrong has occurred. however much your significant other disagrees, it is their duty to be empathetic. but only that. they can disagree and be empathetic.

relationships of all nature have their ups and downs. any couple who pretend to have a perfect relationship can suck my dick, 'cus that shit just ain't true. that's silliness is what it is. people hurt each other in relationships. it happens. be it romantic or platonic, shit happens. its the strong relationships that are bonded by forgiveness and turn with the tides. we hurt the ones we love at some time or another. the wise look back to see their mistakes and look ahead to avert their behaviors. its the deaf, dumb,and blind who are the fools who keep making the same mistakes repeatedly expecting a different outcome. you can paint lipstick on a pig, but its still a pig. he was given warnings by many. her years spent crying are replaced by the sounds of the douche's alligator tears trying to drown her.

my advice to my BFF? and i mean this oh so lovingly,... SWIM BITCH, SWIM!!

golden.

well hallelujah!! i made it to 27 years old without taking anybody out. that's a damn miracle in itself!! honey and i mozied on back to my mama's for the weekend to celebrate. had a relaxed, fun time. my bff's congregated at the pool to spread joy of my birthday. okay, well, maybe that's a wee bit egotistical, but hey, it sounded good.

nah. ash invited us out to her mom-in-law's pool and we had a blast at the cookout and swimming. pictures will be after this bloggy blog. time was spent with most of my family members and i enjoyed it all.

there was something, however, that darkened my weekend: everybody's favorite substitute teacher has joined Sophia up there in that great big lanai in the sky, Bea Arthur died. Dorothy and Sophia are together again up there in that 'Golden Palace.' i may be pathetic, but damnit, i'm a hardcore fan. this really has saddened me. words fail to accurately depict the legacy she leaves behind. in all seriousness, upon finding out this unbelievably tragic news, i promptly announced that i needed to get another critter so i could honor Bea, and name it Dorothy. and in one giant swoosh!, the wife squashed that dream. *sigh* i vow to find a way to honor our beloved Dorothy, aka "Pussy Cat." thank you, "Dorothy" for all of your laughs, you'll be in my heart always!!

rollercoaster moods.

hello, bloggy blog. how i have so desperately missed thee. i have been super busy these past few days, so i must plead for your forgiveness.

last week my hormones were acting crazy something horrible. seriously. i felt bi-polar. i'd be happy one minute and then the next second, literally be steaming mad. at first i chalked it up to pms, because i usually have a rough bout with it like every two to three months or so. i also had some very unfriendly female issues goin on that i didn't find so polite. it just made an aggravating situation more aggravating. then i thought maybe it was because i had my a.d.d. riddled brother for a solid week and he refused to take his meds. thats enough to get on ya nerves fo' sho'. then it struck me clear as day this weekend when i was back home. it was the darvacet. i have not been abusing it in any capacity but had been taking it at regular times during my daily regimen. therefore i had it in my system continuously. i quit taking it and bam! just like that, my mood evened out. thank my stars too because that shit is for the birds.


this weekend i was back home, as i previously mentioned. i spent quality time with my friends. i made a break through with one, and supported another in her time of strife. "friendship is the key to happiness," said my nana's pillow. and that couldn't be more true.

i've posted some pictures below. you can see our newly installed huge fenced in back yard for our four legged furbabies to romp around in. also some pigs feet and ears that i saw at the hoggly woggly that kind of creeped me out. but the main thing that got me was a piece of hair weave i saw sitting in the meat department. YUUUUUUCK!! you'll also see where i put a barrette in sophia's hair. she looked so pleased with it too. there is also a picture of her sitting with one of my besties. and in another picture, you'll see our new comforter and bedskirt. its oh-so-pretty!!