unfathomable antics in the south.

my oh my, oh my... how i have quite the pictorial update for yall!! for starters, i thoroughly enjoyed my time in darlington with my wonderful friends. we relaxed, talked, were mischievous (of course!!), and just had plain ol' fun in general. my hair got dyed back to its closest to natural color that yall will ever see on me; a brunette-ish/auburnish color. the oldest ML daughter said she wanted to straighten my hair, to which i said it'd be too much for her to try to tame. she challenged me and proved me wrong point blank. cite the given photo as evidence.

the grass areas surrounding our abode have surprisingly grown faster than we'd expected it to. it looks MUCH better than it did when the wife and the father in law first put down the sod. our yard is no longer a total mud hole now. :-)


i have an UH-MAY-ZING short story for yall. this only happens in the south, and i swear to yall, that this is a 100% non-fiction story. Dan and Shan are married with two toddlers. They recently moved out of one said trailer park to move into another. The new trailer park is much, much nicer. Let it be known that one reason for moving from the previous park was the residents. One in particular. We'll call her Virginia. Virginia is a CRAZY old coot; Middle aged, old woman who never had any children. (Thank heavens!!) Virginia went to visit Shan and Dan for an overnight visit at their new place. Upon awaking the next morning, Shan spots a towel lying on the floor directly in front of her front door. Her usual culprits had been in bed all night, so she was curious as to what was going on here.

Virginia informs her that she couldn't make it to the turrlet so she cops a squat right there. yes, you read that correctly. Let me repeat it so you can wrap your mind around this. A middle aged old coot, who is a fully functioning individual (as in, no Alzheimer's) took a piss in the floor at Shan and Dan's. oh.my.gawd. oh and this jewel of a story doesn't end there, no. Shan flips her lid and begins furiously shampooing the carpet as Virginia sits on and watches. Dan walks in the door sweating profusely and grabs the nearest towel to wipe his face. yes. yes, yes, yes, the inevitable occurs. Dan wipes his face with the pee soaked towel Virginia used to cover up her pee spot.

what can you say to that? seriously, yall. what can you say?

plethora of updates.

and a great big howdee to you, my fellow interwebbers!! it sure has been a long time. i missed you VERY much. i promise to you, from this day forth, that unless circumstances are beyond my control, i shall'nt abandon you for that long again...

lets see, where the hell to even begin,... two weekends ago, one of my oh-so-precocious mini me's volunteered for the gargantuan task of coming up for the big moving day weekend. we worked my poor baby to the bone. he did it all without complaint. that weekend we were all just flat plum exhausted. honey's pop and uncle did the big moving parts of it for us. we may be bona fide, card carrying, power tool wielding lesbians, but damnit, we're still women!!besides, its not like either of us are butch, i mean, ya know?


on our first night in the new house, the three of us ate dinner at our table in our new dining room. weird as it may seem, it felt like we were a family. like, a real family. later on in the evening, one by one, we all enjoyed the pleasures of our HUGE relaxing jacuzzi bath. yesth, yesth. its quite nice, if i do say so myself. we are slowly but steadily settling in to our beautiful new abode.

so it seems that i am the one in charge of putting pictures on the walls where i deem fitting, and other decor decisions. that suits me perfectly anyways. that's my arena, not hunting down the flat head or the phillips for the damn bolt and nut in the closet doors. yea, that's my honey bunny's department. that's not to say, however, that i can't find a stud in the wall the hard way, handle my drill better than Elton John handles piano keys or a dick. i can hold my own with my power tools. me thinks this is a standard prerequisite for joing the pink taco club.

mini-me E got mauled by our kitty-kitty when he and i brought her over to our new house. yea, neither of us thought to grab a blanket or a towel. smart, very smart. the damn cat was traumatized by that truck ride. seriously. she reminded me of a crack head that was kinda stoned. kitty-kitty's only returned to the old house once but we brought her back home and are trying to woo her into staying her by giving her some kitty-kitty canned food along with her regular food. she did manage to piss the floor once in the living room. i was L-I-V-I-D. i mopped that bitch i know a good 5 times. i even did the baking soda, peroxide trick. woosh!! that STUUUUUUUUNK!! she got one more time to do her business in my house and kitty-kitty's outta here. we got her a litter box, a crate for her since she jacks the other crates, and a spiffy new collar that reflects light.

ever since we moved in, we've been busier than we ever were in the years we resided at the other place. service guys flowing in and out the house like a fart on a windy day, and holy heck, even neighborly drama already!! long story short, neighbor on our left ran over neighbor across the street from us' dog. across the street jackass neighbor wanted to leave the dog on the ground til he got home from work so he could "handle" it. asshole. honey bunny and i weren't about to leave this beautiful fawn cocker spaniel just lying there in obvious pain for a few hours. we went to one of the only TWO vets in the tri-county area that were open that wednesday. (that's retarded in and of itself!! i mean i realize this is a small town southern region, but golly, vets are needed EVERYDAY 24/7!!) the dog did have to be humanely euthanized due to severe injuries sustained from the MVA. the neighbor to the left did run the dog over over, but was not at fault. she was doing all of 20 mph down our road, which you have to unless you like shitting out cash to purchase a new chassis for your vehicle. across the street neighbor has like a million dogs, most of which roam the road. i hate that. i truly do. this was a senseless accident that could've EASILY been prevented. people around here are in the mindset that dogs are expendable. such blasphemy curdles my girdle.

then there's my f-i-l. he had a medical emergency that thankfully turned out to be easily repairable. thank you jesus, buddha, allah, mother earth, and to the gods and goddesses up there on mount olympus. he may have his flaws that can make a sane man look for a corner in a circular padded room, but he's a great man. i am greatful and relieved that he'll be a-ok.


i've been very worried about a great friend of mine lately. someone once said to me you can see everything inside of somebody if you can see into their eyes right way.
the sparkle is long gone from my friend's eyes. its saddening. i have come to immensely value and cherish our friendship beyond what words can inadequately describe. to see his soul lose its shine is so disheartening. i have been trying to be the best friend that i can possibly be by helping him through this funk he's in. i have faith that he'll come around eventually. its my unsaid job to see to that. i feel i owe him that much at the least.

i know i'm leaving so much out of this update, but oh freakin well. the pictures i posted in this update are a bit of everything from our new dining room, the three colors of my art room, to my sister before she left for her prom. enjoy!!

mirror, mirror, on the wall...

this weekend was nothing short of amazing. i went to florence initially to be with my family during Hanna, but at the last moment, my friend asked me to babysit her four month old. from the get-go, i knew this challenge was sent my way for a clear purpose. i needed to prove to myself and to others that i was very capable of taking care of an infant ALONE. not only did i do it, but i think i did a damn good job.
i took my harley with me, to keep me company. and after about an hour, him and Jake (a chihuahua) hit it off fine... for the most part. its some kind of strange phenomenon with my harley. i mean, seriously,... just about any male dog he meets HUMPS him!! my poor baby has been molested by numerous doggy-pedifile-ass pilferers. we tried to prevent him from receiving any unwanted affection from his new admirer. however, our dear precious and precocious harley, ever the wonder dog himself, saw it fit to try his best to attack the two big dogs. yesth, yesth. is it any wonder my harley has issues getting his spark plugs to ignite?


i absolutely adored my time with baby noah. i wished that day could've lasted longer. even being sick, he was nothing short of an absolute delight. when i fed him,... holding him, it was just awesome. i was completely awe struck. (also, apparently Jake is mistyeyed himself, seeing as to how he has sat by the window pouting for harley since we left.) i must admit, i am a horrid doggy mama, as i attempted to bribe anna by offering up both my dogs for noah. for some odd reason, she declined my offer. i can't imagine why. arrrg. lol.
when anna came home from work, we headed up to wal-mart and bought a few things. parts of my hair are now pinkish/firetruck red. yea. lady clairol shal be seeing me tomorrow. it was fun, though...even though C says my hair's gonna all fall out.
driving home, i had harley beside me, jackson curled up into a rolley poley ball on my comforter, and kelly clarkson blaring. i tell you, i pray to buddha she's on my team. *ahem* yesth, yesth, that would be quite nice.
i noticed that the trees are beginning to change colors, signaling this year's summer retirement. driving along the back roads, the sun glistened into the fields full of food, and the pavement sparkled in front of me. C and pops are working on our house steadily. and C mowed the grass there for the first time last week. that was kinda cool. i got to follow her from our new house to our current house with her driving the lawn mower, and i driving our truck. teehee.
life is good. everything is as it should be, finally. and that, is one hell of a fulfilling feeling. with the approaching arrival of fall, the changing of the winds bring a calming, mellow season that i look forward to every year.
vic mackey is back, sordid lives is on this week, i got pinkish/reddish hair, a new Tink jacket, a great wife, two semi-retarded dogs, a semi psychotic family, and great friends. so it seems to truly be a strange new sensation in the core of my heart; it is nothing more than,...a state of grace.