my butt itches.

things have been going much better lately. "Right back in my hometown, with my ...family, There’s old friends and new friends, and even a bear..." okay maybe not a bear, but still, it is nice to reconnect with old friends and new friends galore. i have to admit, though, i do feel guilty for going out and socializing so much when cheryl is sitting home. i know that we are broken up, and that it shouldn't matter but damnit, it just feels weird going through my days and weeks without her there day to day. i went back for a weekend with her. we had a blast but it was bittersweet. the dogs acted as if no time or routine had ever changed.

i'm having fun with my friends and family. so thats good. i went to a new doctor here at home and had a horrifical experience. first of all, mind you that i am 27 years old. the new doctor, Dr C, was who i was supposed to have seen and with whom my appointment was made. but the group he's in got it messed up and had me see Dr J. concerned about my anxiety, i spoke with him about my medication. i don't have many options there because of my addictions. he literally got in my face and lectured me on how to manage it. then said he wasn't the doctor who put me on the med i am on, so he couldn't take me off of it.

i take a deep breath and tell this fucker that i am managing my anxiety in the non-medication ways that he "suggested" and informed him that the doctor who placed me on the med for the anxiety is no longer my doctor because i'm no longer an inpatient there anymore. he sticks to his guns, refusing to change my medication. (what the hell is a general practice doctor for, then?!) then he wants to listen to my heart since i am a cardiac baby. after that, i sit up to jump down off of the table. when i did, he said, "good girl."

WHAT KIND OF OUTRIGHT GOD FORSAKEN FUCKERY IS THAT BULLSHIT?! seriously. what. the. fuckity. fuck. my BFF, ashes, went with me. evfen she was sittin there hopin and prayin i didn't kick this holier-than-thou man's ass. and believe you me, it was hard as hell not to do so. stupid fuck. he can go the fuck on somewhere with his bushy ass eyebrows that need to be mowed with a lawnmower. ugh.

GPS systems.

GPS Dachshund says, "Dis not way to Grandma's!!"











Backup ChiWeenie GPS agrees.





Hell hath no fury like a Dachshund upset over leaving Grandma's house.

who wants to go out?!

incalculable cuteness.

note: the simultaneous waggling tails AND Sophia's ear action.

/sigh.

my children are too damn adorable.

crazy antics.

okay so in all honesty, not a heck of a whole bunch has been going on around these parts. life is plodding along, quietly and quite nicely.

no sooner did i get that typed out when there was a knock at our front door. a friend of wifey's, a fellow 'family' member of the male species, wanted to borrow the computer to look something up. i happily obliged him. apparently, he was looking for flamingos. and no, not of the plastic persuasion. he was looking where to purchase a real.live.eating.breathing.shitting.pink flamingo. because its so classy. yes, yes. it takes all kinds, i suppose.

as far as the pictures go, they are pretty much self explanatory. all three of our furbabies chillin out on a fantastically cool summer's day, brothers in combat, harley and jackson resting from a bout of "wrassling," evil kittykitty proving my theory that felines are all out to plot and destroy the world (or in our kitty's case, the back of my wife's head), me at a cookout, the wifey and i at a cookout, and last but not least,... harley looking on as our youngest son gets violently raped by his incestuous sister. i can see her in her mind thinking, "who's the bitch now, BITCH?!"

yet another run-in with a member of the evil tyrant's family has once again stunned me. seriously, the majority of these people are equivalent to cockroaches, they never die or go away. (unless you liquor them up really good, apparently.) i feel so stupid EVERY TIME one of them manages to stun me with their ever so eloquent level of... trashiness. i can't find the word i am looking for to adequately describe what it is that these people bring forth upon the world. you would think that after 27 years of being CONTINUOUSLY surprised by their antics that i'd be used to it by now. but no sir'eee bob, the surprises just keep a'comin. as is, i pay a whopping $5 per month to block a specific household and its members from calling my cell. (that's a lot of money per year, if you think about it, to just keep the cockroaches away.) but it gives me peace of mind, so its worth every penny. something told me to deny her request as a friend on face.book. but no, i shut that voice up so foolishly, just as i do everytime, hoping against all hope that these people have bathed in a tub of decency. one day i'll learn, i hope. its hard as hell to deplete their filth off of you. its off to my own tub of decency and love and support to wash away more dirt from this preverbial never ending war, in which i wish and wish and wish to be over.

dumpster diving slut.

the wife and i had to run a couple of errands this morning and upon our home coming, we found a quaint little surprise; our furbabies had a party with the trashcan. my wee-one, sophia, now looks greasier than a deep fryer at KFC.

some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit...

okay i am long over due in telling the story of the aforementioned link that is in connection with the picture of the two crated dogs.



Orangeburg, May 2nd, 2009. My Wee-One, Sophia has been in heat for a few days. so, my brilliant self decides to borrow my aunt's 9 month old teacup Chihuahua, Rocco. (also, for any other MAJAH GG's fan out there, i am reminded of the episode in which sophia's bf, Rocco, pretends to rob that bank.) "but i digress," my aunt said that he's been,... 'practicing on the cats,' so i felt assured it was good to go.



how deliciously naive was i to think that it would be easy as a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am, kinda thing. noooooooooo, not easy for me. ask me anything you want to about most any breed and i can tell you. i once had a great teacher about dogs, so i know a good lil bit. i thought that when the bitch was in heat, you could just put her together with the stud and BAM! yeah,... apparently not. my younger mini-me, my lil brother, E, and i get the brilliant idea to shack the two would-be love birds up into the bathroom.



well being the sophisticated geniuses that my brother and i are, we get to thinking, "how the hell are we going to know if we leave them in them overnight if they did it or not?" so what do we do? we, ladies and gentlesouls, devise an UMMMMMMMMMMMMAZING setup in the bathroom with the webcam. yeah baby. this isn't your 20th century backwoods dog breeder's playpen, baby. no. we're SOPHISTI-MAH-CATED. think britney spears edumacated. be jealous.


yeah. i was texting my BFF, about how this was all absolutely insane. therefore, my WONDERFUL text was born, that you saw on textsfromlastnight.com. i was pretty proud of that fantastic line. yeah. thats just genius all the way around right there. you just WISH you had talent like that. haters.

to sum up this damn story, it was an EPIC FAIL. like SERIOUSLY. the damn dog did everything but the damn deed. my dog was the welcoming slut that she needed to be. all of those hours spent studying Blanche didn't go to waste for my little girl!! but nooooo, Rocco would.NOT.perform. i told my lil brother, E, that Rocco was defective. like a reject from the doggy breeding factory. seriously. ugh. so it would seem that the story ends here, correct? yeah, that would be nice, but no, my dear interwebbers, no. it doesn't end there. apparently my wee-one is hard to resist because now we have a twisted semi-incestuous situation happening now. my darling, adorable grumpy old man, harley, has now taken it upon himself to screw her brains out. they have, well,... pardon moi bluntness here,...but they've gone so far as to have gotten STUCK. no big deal, other than the gross factor right? yeah well. my grumpy old man,... got.FIXED.FOUR.YEARS.AGO. yeahhhh... take THAT, rocco. THAT is how its done, ya lil factory reject. harley is THE man.... too bad its with his adopted sister... and too bad its all in vain. /sigh.

doggies, doggies, doggies.

because i am sleepy and cranky, i'll make this short and brief. i pwomise you, my interwebber fwiends, i'll include the entire story as it is embedded in my memory. (can't promise its the truth, but its what my senility allows me to recall.) our youngest son, jackson, is OBSESSED with being in the bathroom with us. we can be cave diving for boogies or... taking a bath,...he'll be there. today as mah wifey was preparing for work, i was in there talking to her and upon looking at mah feet, i noticed a spotted weiner dog with big ears and stinky breath gazing up at me. then, in the picture that you see on the two dogs in a crate- well that DELIGHTFUL story is just too... wonderful to endulge you with tonight. i'll share that sordid tale of enchantment gone awry with you tomorrow perhaps. i will, however, leave you with THIS link that will give you a clue about the twisted tale that occurred with our abode. (make sure that you scroll all the way up to the top of the page so you can see the brilliant text that i submitted, along with the comments from other onlookers.) goodnight, my fellow stalkers. goodnight.

klutzy mommy.

i truly don't know what the deal was yesterday. i evidently somehow displeased the gods and goddesses up on Mount Olympus, because all day i was the biggest damn klutz EVER. i busted my ass on two separate occasions and rather politely and efficiently rammed my head into the corner of our kitchen cabinet. yea. ouch.

today after mah sugar tits laid down for her pre-work nap, i was playing with my fwiend, ms. interwebs. usually during this time i do my bestest to keep the three amigos quiet as possible. sometimes it works. and sometimes they look at me like i'm the damn dumbass. but i digress; so they started carrying up a ruckus for the umpteenth time within a span of ten minutes. aggravated, i yelled from my office, "shut up, dumbass!" this did not work, so i stood up to walk in there to give them the dreaded finger point. however, what i discovered upon entering the living room was that i called my mother-in-law a dumbass. nice. go me. yeaaaa... how many people out there have wanted to secretly do that and get away with it? i was ashamed and profusely apologized, amidst our laughter.

when she came on in, we sat on our back porch to smoke and catch up. our three children began playing out in their fence. you see, its very interesting; harley will get jackson all riled up to wrestle and run around. then, my pint sized princess, sophia, will obsessively target jackson to grasp a firm hold of, and go to town humping him ever so relentlessly. she's not picky; she'll hump whatever she can get... his head, his legs, his rump, his sides... you get the picture. this is every. single. time. jackson and harley play. its so funny and disturbing.

and finally, here are some pictures of our almost completed master bedroom. (the only things remaining to complete are installing curtain rods and hanging the curtains.) here are several noteworthy ponits i must make:
-yes, the walls ARE purple.
-that IS a queen sized four post canopy bed.
-yes, that IS a tink lamp beside the bed. (thanks ashley!!) how could i NOT incorporate her somehow?!
-the white blanket in the corner by the window is sitting atop the dog crates.
-the comforter/bed skirt/shams/ and curtains are all eyelet white.