crazy antics.

okay so in all honesty, not a heck of a whole bunch has been going on around these parts. life is plodding along, quietly and quite nicely.

no sooner did i get that typed out when there was a knock at our front door. a friend of wifey's, a fellow 'family' member of the male species, wanted to borrow the computer to look something up. i happily obliged him. apparently, he was looking for flamingos. and no, not of the plastic persuasion. he was looking where to purchase a real.live.eating.breathing.shitting.pink flamingo. because its so classy. yes, yes. it takes all kinds, i suppose.

as far as the pictures go, they are pretty much self explanatory. all three of our furbabies chillin out on a fantastically cool summer's day, brothers in combat, harley and jackson resting from a bout of "wrassling," evil kittykitty proving my theory that felines are all out to plot and destroy the world (or in our kitty's case, the back of my wife's head), me at a cookout, the wifey and i at a cookout, and last but not least,... harley looking on as our youngest son gets violently raped by his incestuous sister. i can see her in her mind thinking, "who's the bitch now, BITCH?!"

yet another run-in with a member of the evil tyrant's family has once again stunned me. seriously, the majority of these people are equivalent to cockroaches, they never die or go away. (unless you liquor them up really good, apparently.) i feel so stupid EVERY TIME one of them manages to stun me with their ever so eloquent level of... trashiness. i can't find the word i am looking for to adequately describe what it is that these people bring forth upon the world. you would think that after 27 years of being CONTINUOUSLY surprised by their antics that i'd be used to it by now. but no sir'eee bob, the surprises just keep a'comin. as is, i pay a whopping $5 per month to block a specific household and its members from calling my cell. (that's a lot of money per year, if you think about it, to just keep the cockroaches away.) but it gives me peace of mind, so its worth every penny. something told me to deny her request as a friend on face.book. but no, i shut that voice up so foolishly, just as i do everytime, hoping against all hope that these people have bathed in a tub of decency. one day i'll learn, i hope. its hard as hell to deplete their filth off of you. its off to my own tub of decency and love and support to wash away more dirt from this preverbial never ending war, in which i wish and wish and wish to be over.

unfathomable antics in the south.

my oh my, oh my... how i have quite the pictorial update for yall!! for starters, i thoroughly enjoyed my time in darlington with my wonderful friends. we relaxed, talked, were mischievous (of course!!), and just had plain ol' fun in general. my hair got dyed back to its closest to natural color that yall will ever see on me; a brunette-ish/auburnish color. the oldest ML daughter said she wanted to straighten my hair, to which i said it'd be too much for her to try to tame. she challenged me and proved me wrong point blank. cite the given photo as evidence.

the grass areas surrounding our abode have surprisingly grown faster than we'd expected it to. it looks MUCH better than it did when the wife and the father in law first put down the sod. our yard is no longer a total mud hole now. :-)


i have an UH-MAY-ZING short story for yall. this only happens in the south, and i swear to yall, that this is a 100% non-fiction story. Dan and Shan are married with two toddlers. They recently moved out of one said trailer park to move into another. The new trailer park is much, much nicer. Let it be known that one reason for moving from the previous park was the residents. One in particular. We'll call her Virginia. Virginia is a CRAZY old coot; Middle aged, old woman who never had any children. (Thank heavens!!) Virginia went to visit Shan and Dan for an overnight visit at their new place. Upon awaking the next morning, Shan spots a towel lying on the floor directly in front of her front door. Her usual culprits had been in bed all night, so she was curious as to what was going on here.

Virginia informs her that she couldn't make it to the turrlet so she cops a squat right there. yes, you read that correctly. Let me repeat it so you can wrap your mind around this. A middle aged old coot, who is a fully functioning individual (as in, no Alzheimer's) took a piss in the floor at Shan and Dan's. oh.my.gawd. oh and this jewel of a story doesn't end there, no. Shan flips her lid and begins furiously shampooing the carpet as Virginia sits on and watches. Dan walks in the door sweating profusely and grabs the nearest towel to wipe his face. yes. yes, yes, yes, the inevitable occurs. Dan wipes his face with the pee soaked towel Virginia used to cover up her pee spot.

what can you say to that? seriously, yall. what can you say?

gardening and white trash.

i have been a mischievous Tasmanian devil of a house wife lately. let me explain: the wife slaved over cleaning the kitchen until it was sparkly and shiny. that night after she left for work, i tore it up. i did my indoor gardening on the kitchen counter. my excuse? i needed to be near the sink for the hot water. i am using one of those transplant pots that are biodegradable and are meant to be transferred into the ground once the sprouts are strong enough to endure the move. they came with this frisbee looking thing in the pots. add a specified amount of hot water and presto! a pot full of moist compost. it reminded me of those toys on the kiddie isle in the dollar store that look like pills but really aren't. you add the water and it morphs into some random creature, like a Brachiosaurus or a turtle or something. but alas, i am to clean up my mess in the kitchen today. i have a nagging headache and my hands are bothering me. i'll get to cleaning when i'm good and damn well ready. (i think i am also PMSing. gee, can ya tell?)


i am currently soaking olive tree seeds. i bought them for the wife because she loves, loves, loves olives. this is indoor tree seeds that i purchased. i may have bit off more than i can chew though. you have to keep the seeds at just the right temperature and keep the compost mix consistently moist but not water logged. i may need to plan up some ghetto indoor mini greenhouse to accomplish this for the wife. i want to grow an indoor lemon or some other citrus tree for her as well. she is crazy for her olives, lemons, pickles, and her wild plums. oh the things we do to try and make our loved ones happy.


i had to do another stepping stone for harley. when i removed them all from the plastic molds after they dried, all but one came out without a hitch. harley's cracked in half like britney spears on a psyche eval. so i redid his and am currently waiting to see if his redo is satisfactory to my standards. i have also been working on a new painting, inspired by my girls. i'm doing it as a thank you for one of my BFFs, whom i'll call the Laverne to my Shirley. and speaking of BFFs, my other one, whom i'll call the babysitter, is now officially on her way to being a step grandma. in HER words, "oh how the redneck drama flows." this is irony in its utmost classic form. outside looking in, its sad and pathetic,... and funny. the cycle never stops. i'll leave it at that. i'm gonna go lay down now because this blasted headache has yet to go away and its starting to really piss me off now. peace out, my fellow interwebber friends.