dumbasses: PAY ATTENTION!!

when baking blue berry muffins, i urge you to heed to my advice: when the package says ONLY add 1/2 cups of milk, do so. do NOT be lazy and attempt to measure it out with a 1/3 measuring cup. you WILL fuck it up. this is NOT a maybe you will, this is a definite, you WILL fuck it up. when you do fuck it up, here is the outcome: the blue berries sink to the bottom of the said "muffins," which also adopt the consistency of cornbread. bon appetit!

silliness.

Let it be dually noted that the aforementioned serial assailant has now escalated his crimes to a whole new level; murderer. BOLO: Jackson is a 3.5 year old male 'dapple' Wiener Dog, at approx. 16-19ish pounds (fluctuating weight is in direct correlation with visits to Grandma's house) and should be considered slobbery and stoned. (Frog paraphernalia has been found in the line of his path.) If spotted, provide him with a Frog so he'll be stoned (semi-sedated) until the proper authorities arrive.




WARNING: DO NOT BE FOOLED BY BEAUTIFUL DACHSHUND EYES OR BIG WET NOSE OR WONDERFUL DOXIE KISSES!!




my father-in-law has a beer can sitting atop his tractor's exhaust pipe. this is not the first time this phenomena has taken place on any of his tractors. in the below pictured tractor, there was another bottle of alcohol posted atop the exhaust pipe. however, that bottle was a glass beer bottle. such silliness easily amuses me.

todays and yesterdays.

last night i washed, dried, and folded MOUNDS AND MOUNDS of laundry. good golly!! how in the world do TWO PEOPLE have SO DAMN MANY dirty clothes?! i pondered this very question as i sat on our back porch last night around ten. that's when i saw the magic of a sultry southern night; fairies. (okay maybe not fairies, but fireflies.) the back of our house faces the woods, which surround our entire house. i was enclosed within a trove of happy, fluttering fairies dancing the night away. i sat back and enjoyed the awesome magic of the amazing carolina twilight.

back in high school, i had many self sworn mortal enemies. the majority of my own foolish doings. but then again, just about anything we did back in high school was foolish and immature so there really is no use in attempting to justifying it. but i digress, in high school i was on the school paper for three years. two of which, i proudly served as the assistant editor. and let me tell you,... come my final year on the paper, i was fuming. i felt i had proved myself worthy of the editor position. hell, i would have gladly compromised with co-editor. who honestly knows if i did actually prove myself worthy enough for that title. i can tell you one thing, though, in my head, i damn deserved that shit with royal treatment. that's a teenager for you though, isn't it? they think they deserve everything. why? "gah, as IF you HAVE to ask!!"

this girl, who took the editorship seat from my rightful position- i felt- it was on like a pot o' neck bones. we had our squabbles mostly in our senior year. all seething, simmering, passive aggressive and vicious as bitchy teen girls could be. of course, now i can't recall what one of those single squabbles was about. it could have been she wanted a size 32 font and i wanted a size 34 font. seriously. they amounted to nothing. so after graduation, i said adieu to the bitch and deemed it chapter closed. in years since, i have oft wondered what became of the girl of whom i came to loathe.

rumor had it she lost her mind after her parents' divorce, and another rumor put her as a waitress after graduating from an ivy league college. you just never really know what to factually believe with rumors. since joining face.book, i admit, i have kept an eye out for this girl i despised. why, i'm unsure, as it makes no sense to me whatsoever. but damnit, my patient perseverance paid off. i friended her and waited to see if she would accept me. low and behold; she did. what i saw posed a conflict within myself: the adult self wondered what had happened to the girl who had everything going for her, with the go get 'em attitude, and the fire in her eyes. what i saw was just the opposite of that. she has become a shell of her former self, but i suppose that rings true for us all, as no doubt time changes us all. in the flash of a moment, my adult self feels a slight twinge of sadness for my former enemy. however, if the blunt truth be told, my former self, my immature teenged, angst ridden, miserable self,...was gleefully delighted. how fucking sad is that.

face.book is like a bittersweet pill you have to take. you need to take it to help you improve yourself on what you think needs improving. but it leaves a bitter aftertaste that wrenches your tummy with painful reminders of immature, insidious, foolish yesteryears that you cannot negate. so i end this rather insightful blog with this serious shout out to my beloved wife-