todays and yesterdays.

last night i washed, dried, and folded MOUNDS AND MOUNDS of laundry. good golly!! how in the world do TWO PEOPLE have SO DAMN MANY dirty clothes?! i pondered this very question as i sat on our back porch last night around ten. that's when i saw the magic of a sultry southern night; fairies. (okay maybe not fairies, but fireflies.) the back of our house faces the woods, which surround our entire house. i was enclosed within a trove of happy, fluttering fairies dancing the night away. i sat back and enjoyed the awesome magic of the amazing carolina twilight.

back in high school, i had many self sworn mortal enemies. the majority of my own foolish doings. but then again, just about anything we did back in high school was foolish and immature so there really is no use in attempting to justifying it. but i digress, in high school i was on the school paper for three years. two of which, i proudly served as the assistant editor. and let me tell you,... come my final year on the paper, i was fuming. i felt i had proved myself worthy of the editor position. hell, i would have gladly compromised with co-editor. who honestly knows if i did actually prove myself worthy enough for that title. i can tell you one thing, though, in my head, i damn deserved that shit with royal treatment. that's a teenager for you though, isn't it? they think they deserve everything. why? "gah, as IF you HAVE to ask!!"

this girl, who took the editorship seat from my rightful position- i felt- it was on like a pot o' neck bones. we had our squabbles mostly in our senior year. all seething, simmering, passive aggressive and vicious as bitchy teen girls could be. of course, now i can't recall what one of those single squabbles was about. it could have been she wanted a size 32 font and i wanted a size 34 font. seriously. they amounted to nothing. so after graduation, i said adieu to the bitch and deemed it chapter closed. in years since, i have oft wondered what became of the girl of whom i came to loathe.

rumor had it she lost her mind after her parents' divorce, and another rumor put her as a waitress after graduating from an ivy league college. you just never really know what to factually believe with rumors. since joining face.book, i admit, i have kept an eye out for this girl i despised. why, i'm unsure, as it makes no sense to me whatsoever. but damnit, my patient perseverance paid off. i friended her and waited to see if she would accept me. low and behold; she did. what i saw posed a conflict within myself: the adult self wondered what had happened to the girl who had everything going for her, with the go get 'em attitude, and the fire in her eyes. what i saw was just the opposite of that. she has become a shell of her former self, but i suppose that rings true for us all, as no doubt time changes us all. in the flash of a moment, my adult self feels a slight twinge of sadness for my former enemy. however, if the blunt truth be told, my former self, my immature teenged, angst ridden, miserable self,...was gleefully delighted. how fucking sad is that.

face.book is like a bittersweet pill you have to take. you need to take it to help you improve yourself on what you think needs improving. but it leaves a bitter aftertaste that wrenches your tummy with painful reminders of immature, insidious, foolish yesteryears that you cannot negate. so i end this rather insightful blog with this serious shout out to my beloved wife-

love and laundry.

if i have to do another pile of laundry, i'll scream. damn the lunacy!! aye, mama mia. so it appears that rosie is on hiatus. aye. the pain it causes me. and speaking of pain,... my sister had a nice little ER visit yesterday. vicious sprained ankle. i was sweatin bullets there for a bit, while we were awaiting the verdict of what her affliction was/is. so she'll begin school on crutches. fun. i love my family. they're so great.
i am just now coming into my own of realizing that they've ALWAYS been my TRUE family. love is what its all about, and i know that now. while my bizzarre family is FAR from perfect, they are after all, my family. they love me for me. and that is something he could never give me throughout his entire miserable and pathetic existence. i don't think its about what you've got while you're here, rather, its all about what you leave behind. and a path of destruction wider than Katrina doesn't speak highly of him, now does it? i've made my mistakes, and gosh knows, i've made plenty of them. but i own up to it. and now, more than ever, i know just exactly how lucky and blessed i truly am. to be surrounded by authentic family and authentic friends is all you can ever ask for in this life, isn't it? i am a happy girl.
our house is truly coming along. the roofing was completed today. excitement keeps brewing!! we settled on colors for the siding and shutters. we couldn't get the original color we wanted, because, apparently, siding doesn't come in dark colors. yet the shutters do. whatever.
tell your loved ones what they mean to you. a little bit of love goes on forever. i'm ending this blog with song lyrics that speak to my core, to my soul.

Message to Myself ~ Melissa Etheridge
I'm sending out a message to myself
So that when I hear it on the radio
I will know that I am fine,
I will know that I am loved.

I warned myself of the blackness in my chest
The razors in my heart would never rest
It's funny how you find just what you seek
Love is what you get when love is what you speak

I'm sending out a message to myself
So that when I hear it on the radio
I will know that I am fine,
I will know that I am loved.

I made every choice along the way
Each day I spent in hell I chose to stay
It's funny what you fear can make you weak
Truth is what you get when truth is what you speak

I'm sending out a message to myself
So that when I hear it on the radio
I will know that I am fine,
I will know that I am loved.

So if you are listening I am just passing through
You can take some for yourself 'cause it works that way too

Sha la la la la la la la la la
Sha la la la la la la la la la
I will know that I am fine,
I will know that I am loved.

I'm sending out a message to myself
So that when I hear it on the radio
I will know that I am fine,
I will know that I am loved.

I'm sending out a message to myself
So that when I hear it on the radio
I will know that I am fine,
I will know that I am loved

Saving Grace ~ Everlast
One time around the block
2 times around the clock
3 times don't cross the little lady

So pretty & oh so bold
got a heart full of gold on a lonely road
she said "I don't even think that God can save me"

(Am I) gaining ground
(Am I) losing face
(Am I) lost & found by Saving Grace
Thankful for the gift My Angel's gave me

Born alone
We die alone
'n I'm just sittin' here by the phone
waitin for the Lord to send my callin'

Street wise from the boulevard
Jesus only knows that she tries too hard
She's only tryin' to keep the sky from fallin'

Any man says it's Heaven & Hell
Prob'ly got somethin' useless to sell
You ask me if I'm saved but what's it to ya?

Blow a quarter
cop another eighth
you're runnin' out of high, you're losin' your faith
Throw your hands up & scream halleluiah

halleluiah x4 Amen

One time around the sun
another year older and my work ain't done
it's time for me to write the final chapter

Deal the cards & roll the dice
sex drugs & rock n roll are my only vice
tryin' to figure out just what's here after

halleluiah x6 Amen