faith in love.

to say things have been a little tense around here is an understatement. that's okay though. everything in life has its ups and downs. every relationship has a rough patch here and there every now and then. while its true that sometimes love just isn't enough in a relationship, love IS enough to comfort and sustain you through these rough patches. i don't have faith in a lot of things, being the ever quirky, mistrustful pessimist that i am, but i do have faith in love. and right now, that love is acting as the bridge to "cross over troubled waters."










i have been sick for about the past two weeks; i just can't seem to shake this damn thing. i have been to the doctor, had a round of antibiotics, a round of cough syrup, and tested negative for the H1N1 (swine) flu. i don't know whats wrong with me. but i feel uber yucky.




honey pot mowed the grass this week and our furbabies watched her. it was so cute. i realized that harley and sophia's ears are almost identical in the way they hold them; like chihuahua brother, like chihuahua sister. sophia seems to have discovered that she can pick on lizards, since they are just her size. so far she's tortured two. bush's water boarding doesn't have shit on sophia's torture attacks!!

on we go...

its official: i feel like poop. flat.out.feel.like.nasty.poop. who the hell knows why. but it sucks. thank gawd i stayed home today, because had i been out in public when... an attack... hit me, i'd have looked like a mad woman on the hunt for any halfway functioning toilet in this south carolina humid august heat. fun times!!


i'm headed up to school tomorrow to finalize my class schedule, and get the necessary books and such. i'm nervous about returning to school, but i feel like i'm ready to tackle it again. this will be the first time since the bastard killed himself that i feel okay enough to really give it a good go. i tried to go back twice before, but my anxiety damn near crippled me in trying to do so. i'd be sitting there, trying to take a math class and bam! an anxiety attack out of NOWHERE.

i'd see my wretched aunt informing me that i have my father's chin,... AS WE STOOD IN FRONT OF HIS CASKET LOOKING AT HIM. gee, thanks. that family always knew how to make me feel special. or i'd relive the tee-total humiliation of having the whole god damn town hear that i was disinherited. then living with the further humiliation of having people feel sorry for me. the whole damn thing just sucked. but alas, i am at a place that i am relieved he is gone. i have the rest of my life to live freely from my childhood monster, and that in itself, is THE BIGGEST AND BEST gift he could have ever given me. inheritance or not.

i am fully aware of who my real family is, who my wonderful and true friends are, and how fortunate and blessed i am to have a great spouse who loves me unconditionally. we built our dream house, have a house full of furbaby critters, and in general, a really great life. i am coming to realize that maybe the secret to this whole thing is indeed love. i'm not at a place of forgiving him, by any means; in fact, i'm nowhere near it. but one day, i can and will. and when that day arrives, that's okay. its just not today.

say goodnight, gracie.

lawsy, lawsy,lawsy, mizz Scarlett!! i do declare, i was fit to be tied today. old man arthur executed one hellacious attack on my entire body for apparently, no obvious reasons. the weatherman ain't saying anything so i'm at a loss for the root of arthur's mischief. it was all of my joints too, as opposed to my normal hand and finger joints. my damn knees just about gave out on me. i had to put a wrap on each knee. and all day today i have been excited thinking about buying this new thing that icy hot has out now. i'm super stoked about it because i can customize it to accommodate my hands, which are different structurally than everybody else's hands. /sigh. look at me. look at what i have become; a house wife who gets excited over new icy hot products, and not having anymore room left in the towel/washcloth cabinet to put more towels and washcloths because i have them ALL clean, folded, and put away.


i have gone all zen and become one with my swiffer sweeper dust mop. i would say that i have begun the soul killing process of morphing into my mother, but she is not one with the dust mop. see, they dated a LONG time ago, back in the stone ages when she was married to the Evil Faux Czar (aka the male dna donor that helped create me). but when the Czar began to rob his own peoples out of everything, there was a colossal battle which led to the inner civil war that continues to rage on within me to this day. but i digress, at the sound of the battle call, weapons were drawn and blood painted the hands of all who touched the battle grounds. the blood stained the souls of the innocent. the deed was done; the line drawn. good and evil, the epic battle. the tug of war with me as the rope until the Evil Faux Czar lost interest and found a new kingdom more shiny than the kingdom he blackened with hate. it was in this war that my mother fought the dust mop. and still today, her epic battle with it rages on.

good goddess i need to go to bed. i'm creating a story about a fictitious battle between my mother and a damn swiffer sweeper. that goes beyond being just your southern eclectic, sarcastic narrator. i need help. no; i need sleep. i bid you au revoir, mes amis.

GISM #3 of 365:
i am grateful that good conquered evil.