let the healing commence, already.

a flurry of emotions has given me virtual frostbite; i feel frozen and just damn numb. things will get better; they have to. my soul, body, heart and mind are jaded. when will the healing begin? i know my love is hurting too. we are both ready for the healing.

genre drôle de femme au foyer.

here i sit in a cough syrup stupor gazing at my computer with nothing and everything on my mind all at once. i have reached that critical point in my bronchitis recovery where i am antsy to do everything and anything that my mind can think of. you know, those things that i never do when i AM well and capable. i wonder why that is. i am feeling so much better today, thank my stars. i think the new inhaler is what did the trick. its supposed to be a much stronger, powerful kind than the previous kind i had. yay!! soon as i finish healing, i can be consumed by the laziness that ensnares me everyday, and all will once again return to normal.




i am feeling my creativity simmering just beneath my surface. we still have not cleared out and set up my art room because well, we are both lazy and we have been busy. i am contemplating buying a sewing machine and going all retro dykey by making some of my own clothes the way that i want them. i don't seem to be finding anything lately that suits my flavor. i just feel like becoming a happy homemaker, but NOT that '50s housewife bullshit' that i have posted a picture of before. i like the idea of putting my twist on it; a slightly neurotic, eclectic, nerdy house wife who is a mommy to her furbabies and tries her best to be a decent wife and tries to make her wife happy. and that latter part is THE hardest of all!! women!! geesh!! hell, i know me, and even that is still hard as hell to make me happy. and besides, i think happiness is a relative state anyways.

happiness is something different to everybody. happiness to me is this, right here, right now. enjoying my day as it is. i feel like poo-poo but i am basking in everything else, therefore, outshining the poo-poo.... if that makes sense. my wife is sleeping in our bed at the moment. she got off at 7 am this morning so she's catching up on her sleep. i am playing on the interwebs. thats happiness. that's life. that's OUR life. when she awakens, we will have the dreaded supper talk, where neither of us can decide on what to cook. but today she will be surprised. i took out hamburger for an old standby favorite, hamburger helper. that'll make her happy in that we don't have to be in a stalemate with our taste buds over picking out supper. happiness is doing our laundry in our new, state of the art, front load, high efficiency washing machine. i can load it and unload it. without the aid of something. that's happiness. my freedom, my independence to do a chore without needing assistance. everybody takes for granted fixing their own hair, zipping up their own jeans, and doing easy mundane chores. but when i can do it by myself, that is my happiness. my happiness is knowing that i have almost 250 people that i have known throughout my life on my facebook page. my happiness is knowing that i have a 557 member mob family on my myspace mobsters game. my embarrassing happiness (and shame) is that on facebook, my golden girls trivia score is off the wall high. my happiness is looking to my right and seeing all three of my fur babies sleeping in a ball. people take these everyday things for granted. the little things. its those that makes you happy. and should you for one fleeting moment become unappreciative, your happiness will fly right out the door. be grateful. be thankful. be happy.

letting go.

with each sunset, the day retires for the night. the tide comes in to wash away the shore laden with sandcastles from the day before. already forgotten, but made with a superior innocence, love, and laughter.

"...each new season brings a change, and absense makes the heart grow strange, the windfall, the stars and rain collide, prince of tides...i wish you hope, i wish you well, within the chambers of your shell, i never wanted to choose sides, but its your fault and its your right, prince of tides..."