such class.

tomorrow we get a boy. the sweeter one, me thinks. buddha help us save what sanity we have!!

squishy transmission caught in drive.

liitle sister, i still see you.
your mask can't cover those terrifying nights i recall.
have you worn your mask for so long that you've forgotten the truth?

sometimes the truth is hard to hear.

still. it doesn't mean what you're being told is false.

take the glasses off? or not?



Presidents Of The USA Lyrics
Dune Buggy Lyrics

intentional wanton ruminations.

i have this wicked idea that i want to try out... its puts my art on a big scale. its a very dykey thing, but nonetheless, i still wish to try it.


the past couple of days have been...painful. too many things condensed into a span of like two days. all of it referring to richard. i'm growing TIRED of this. TIRED. i am SO ready to NOT BE AFFECTED by this nonsense!!



p.s.- Honey and i were watching WEEDS, and the kid in it referred to a website that tickled my fancy. it was www.wwvmd.com. its a pseudonym for "what would vic mackey do." if you don't know who vic mackey is, get the fuck up off my page. if you do know who this incredibly fine specimen is, then you understand why i got so excited. (and yes, i realize that i am totally a lesbian, but there is no denying that vic mackey [Michael Chiklis], brad pitt, and george clooney are beautiful.) imagine my incredible dismay in learning it was a fictitious site. major bummer. seriously.

count bessie rocks.

just the way a starving anaconda strangle its prey, arthritis has ensnarled my hands. i look like that damn chicken from the golden girls that played the piano, with the way i am pecking at this keyboard. (i am also massively contemptuous at my ability to correlate anything in my life to a golden girls moment. it takes talent, ya know. its not easy as one may think... well, either that or i am an incredibly enormous dork. which, in all truth, is most likely the answer.)
today i saw where somebody commented on how richard would be missed. naturally this sent me into a tail spin of fury. it was like a band-aid being ripped off of not just a papercut, but more to the tune of being ripped off of a chemically burned penetration wound. that was the catalyst for my thoughts to run all which ways, from north to south.
i do not think that i will EVER understand evil to that extreme. i have been mean, hateful, honory, indignant, bitchy, vengeful, spiteful, and even mischevious in my lifetime. any of us have. that is a part of growing up; going through various stages as we garden our personalities into fruition. but never has a morsel of evilness coursed through my veins. (i am sure that there are those out there who will eagerly testify against that proclamation.) no. no evil has ever resided within my soul.
his evil resignated hundreds of miles. a silent, deadly, invisible, devestating wave that channeled across all lines. it knew no boundries, and penetrated thoughts, hearts, fears, futures, souls, and the fabrics of peoples' day to day lives. like a hideous stain that you absolutely cannot remove from an article of clothing that you own. like aids.

his soul was the color of aids.

how he can be mourned is beyond me. i thank buddha that my (hopeful) children will never know the likes of him, i thank buddha that there is more air in this world for another to breathe, i thank buddha that only the memories of his abuse remain, i thank buddha that he can no longer torture my mama. i would rather take the abuse than my mom suffer anymore.
never have i seen eye to eye with her, because gosh knows, she is a DORK. i was merely his genetic offspring, so how in this world she endured his abuse definately casts light onto a new perspective i have for her. and not to mention, a newfound sense of respect.

anyways. enough of that. my add and ocd are in high working order today. yay!

apparently, i DO have a touch of the ocd, so says my therapist. this is intriguingly funny, because i have been telling the wife this for three years. (yet ANOTHER example of my being RIGHT.)

yesth. it feels good.

being right, that is.

summertime meanderings.

our trip to florida got cancelled at the last minute. totally sucks, but hey, it just wasn't meant to be. so Honey and i went home to be with my family. we all went to the beach down at huntington beach state park. it was very nice.
Honey, on the other hand, wasn't so nice. but its all right, because i love her. (and thank buddha, for that small fact, too!!)
my mama showed Honey the beach where i spent my childhood summers. its still unspoiled, thank my stars. i hope it remains that way!!
my arthritis is acting up rather badly at the moment, so BOO on that.
ohmygarsh!! dude!! people i know.... she was lying n her bed and a frikkin tree. landed. on. her. holy. SHIT. had to be extracted from her bed because the tree. was. on. TOP. of her. HOLY. SHIT. so now they are homeless. :-(
yesterday on the way back from florence, i said, "Honey, i want a turtle." then, i swear to buddha, like not ten minutes later, we found the beauty you see in the middle of the road. talk about instant gratification!! i took her home, took pics, then returned her, as per requested by my wife. by the way, jackson was FASCINATED by this fearless little box turtle...FASCINATED.
today, i went to roll up our car's windows and found the humming bird. its sad she had to die, but it was truly cool to hold her. really a uniquely cool experience!!

and so it begins.

tale of two dads.

i chose to put up the juno quote because that was Juno's dad who told her that, and it reminded me of my stepdad. so its in honor of steve. the worl'd #1 worst dad,...is, well,.... self explanatory.
as we all know, yesterday was the greeting card fabricated holiday, other wise known as, Father's Day. now, i tried to push this out of my mind. as i did not want to think of my dad. i did, however, mail my step dad a Father's Day card a fewdays ago. but, in all my avoidness coping mechanism, i inexplicably forgot to call my step dad yesterday. so at like 8 am today, i sent him a text that read something like, "thank you for being my real dad."
and later on, he sent me a text back that said something to the effect of, "thank you for being my girl." well, actually, he wrote "gir5," but hey. i have a dad that texts. thats pretty cool in itself.
after the funeral, i told steve that i was sorry that i never allowed him to adopt me. i always had this dumb sense of "loyalty" to my dad. i always thought maybe that if i showed him that i didn't want steve to adopt me, that maybe he would see that. and he would see that i loved him. that i wanted him to love me. but he never did.
i think that's why i always had this fantasy that one day, something atrocious would happen to me, where i needed a liver (well, scratch that, because he was an alcoholic).... where i'd need bone marrow, and he'd show up, save my life, and realize what he'd been missing all those years. and now that he's gone, you know, there is a certain panic that has filled the void of that ridiculous child like fantasy.
am i sorry that he is gone? no. he did it to his own dagnabbed self. am i sorry for the loss of that fantasy? yes. it became somewhat of a comfort to me. there should be some sense of loss, when it comes to deaths. and i assume that there is such a sense for sam, and perhaps even jack, herself. i can honestly say that i never thought that their passings would throw such a monkey wrench into my life.
even after all the years of abuse from this man. there was still some part of me that loved him. yearned for his time, affection, and love. but ya know, i got all of that in steve. every damn bit of it. time. attention. affection. love. respect. dignity. trust. in 26 years of my time time on this earth, never once, did i get any of the before mentionables from richard himself.
he was no dad. he was merely a sperm donor. (jointly now, everybody,..... EWWWWWWWWW!!!!) steve is my dad. and has been for 17 years. so, i hold my glass up to him, and say, "cheers, dad."

good times.

look at what my wife did with our truck. it was our son's bed.









and speaking of our son, here he is in all his glory atop our damn table. this was merely a few hours before he decided to get all froggy and froth at the mouth. good times!!

illusions and delusions.

today was my art class. i was in a siminar with truly great artists. i was seriously out of my league in that class. these people were so genuine. it was great. their spontaneous song singing, in unison, might i add. so here is my (almost finished) project from today. i was inspired by a buddha quote.

the quote was: THREE THINGS CANNOT BE LONG HIDDEN: THE SUN, THE MOON, AND THE TRUTH.

at the top you can kinda see the moon/sun. then at the bottom, the chinese word you see is TRUTH. on the top corners are the words HUMANITY and COMPASSION. different types of glass were used, along with mirrors. i had to cut them into bits and pieces. (although i did help from the WONDERFUL artist who taught the class.) i still have to let it dry, then grout it. but all in all, its not so shabby!!

i was inevitably reminded of a golden girls episode. (because, when am i not?) i snuck in my own smirk, thanks to mah golden girls.

oh and omg. on the way to bamberg, i saw this trailor park, that had an "oasis island" in the front, facing the highway. ....just. wow. what can i say to that?

because of you.

because of you snuck up on me on my playlist, just a minute ago. (fyi- i TOTALLY hate this song, for obvious reasons -dickhead- even though its sung by my two favorite girls.) so, i look up suicide girls on photobucket to cheer myself up. an, lawsy!! mission accomplished!!

I am odd-looking. I sometimes think I look like a funny Muppet. ~Angelina Jolie

for some reason, when i saw this picture of angelina jolie and the muppets, things happened inside of my body that truly excited me. i find this quite odd. a truly funky paring. it does...wierd things to me. anyways, i got the picture from an article about her showing interest in a possible upcoming muppet movie.
i genuinely love going home. the beautifully perfected chaos, my brothers, my sister, my mama, my mawmaw, my crazy aunts, the psycho dog, ofcourse outshined by my two perfect babies. i also love, love, love coming home. its a breath of fresh air. truly. (the country air titilates my nasal cavaties.)
i rescued boy A from shopping in Cola with mama and my sister. he thoroughly appreciated that. boy E was away in sumter at golf camp. i roped boy A into a truly invigorating $30 trip to hobby lobby to pick up some glass for my art class i have tomorrow. (i also managed to score some quite divine four dollar, star shaped sconces for our new house. yay!!)
i met up briefly with our friend, M, who just frikking ROCKS!! he sooo needs to get back on the fire department. (but he's right with his point of 'who can afford voluntarily running calls with gas prices where they are?') i can't wait until C and i can do an investigation with him.
then i met up with my cousin, who i only recently met at dad and terry's funeral. who knew trading family secrets could be so satisfyingly fun?! she's a sweet lady and i am glad that we are getting to know each other better. my mama said she was 'good people,' so i know its okay to actually invest some time and energy into a relationship with her. that makes me very happy. its shocking to find members of that clan who actually have a soul.
news on the house: we have out temporary power pole put up, and the bricks purchased for our foundation. wahoooooooooooo!! and so it begins...(officially... on the land itself, that is...) weekly pictures shall now begin.
well, DHL lost my phone. so after filing a complaint with them and at&t, a refund was immediately given to us, and another (totally free) phone was sent via FedEx. and be damned if they didn't get my phone to me in one and a half days. heck, L's postcard only took five days to get to my house from FRANCE. screw DHL!!
not much longer until florida and we are growing more excited by the day!! yay!! old people, here we come!!

its hotter than dog shit in a skillet.

mr dhl man has yet to arrive. patience, i must learn again. *breathes in, breathes out*

today was a good day, we went and visited with the in-laws and had a nice time. we talked about our impending florida trip. excitement and anticipation is brewing. only eight more days. wow, i can't believe it!! my, how time flies!!

my future wife is on million dollar password tonight, WooT!!

quick pic for margaret.

did it in like three and a half hours, so by all freakin means, it is absolutely NOWHERE near my best. /sigh. yes, its the damn dog i hate, and best believe it was HARD to not paint horns on the little bitch. for some reason the sun looks odd in the picture, but on the painting itself it doesn't show the rays projecting from the sun. i have it in a swirly motion thingy. so, whatever.

notre nouveau jardin.

okay i got off my slack ass and took some shots of our newly refurbished yard. that grill could make the likes of Rosie O'Donnell and Melissa Etheridge jealous. its a real lesb'en head turner. the moolah we spent on that grill, i can assure you, we NEVER woulda normally spent on any grill. its SUPER nice!!
as far as our lil buddha,... the marble table that it rests on is actually the only thing (aside from our bird bath that survived the wreck). the table belonged to C's grandma, so i think of it as a modernized antique. how that table survived the accident is beyond amazement, and now the buddha is there to remind us to breathe and relax.
the table set with the umbrella just frikkin ROCKS!! offset by our tiki torches, its very party friendly. and as far as the seemingly out of place sundial nailed to the fence gate- well. thats part of whats left of that (irreplacable) antique sun dial. we were very disheartened to see the demise of that much loved decorative item in our yard. we really loved it when we saw it in atlanta at my favorite antique store up there, and even though it was out of our price range, we knew we had to get it. so i think it being proudly displayed on the gate that enters our humble abode gently reminds us to not take anything for granted. it can all be taken away in the blink of an eye. and the okra that ya see. well, my wittle bitty thumb has begun to turn a twinge of green.