stuck.

so it feels like i am slipping back into my depression.
and i loathe that.
this new medicine...
i dunno if i'm down with it.
it makes my eyes feel like they're floating,
although i don't get stoned off it.
i don't know if i just need to give it time to get into my system, or what.
i promised C that i would tell my therapist
how all of this bullshit is really affecting me.
truthfully, my loss of appetite scares me.
earlier, C was eating some meat and the smell repulsed me.
i'm just NOT hungry.
i'm not trying to not eat.
i'm trying DESPERATELY to not give up on my school.
but it is LITERALLY like my brain has
shut.
the.
fuck.
down.
like, it is static.
to pay attention to C, she had to consciously KEEP me in the loop.
it'll do my heart good to go home to see my family for my birthday, with C.
i am still leery of a party,
but family, the wife, and Liz will do.
that always makes me feel better.
i feel like i am stuck in the damn mud.
not quick sand or anything,
but more like pluff mud.
i am stuck.
just frikkin stuck.
not going up or down,
although trying in vain to get back up,
but none the less, stuck.
hey atleast i didnt step into a pile of dog shit and have THAT stuck on me, eh?