florida.

i need a vacation from our vacation. seriously. i won't sit here and pretend that a good time was not had, but i won't sit here and pretend all was perfectly rosie either. geeze, louise!! the pre-vacation drama was enough to warrant a meltdown worthy of a 5150 hold. britney spears ain't seen nothin like this!! sheer determination to seek out a middle ground of compromise held tight and proved initially fruitful... until the morning of departure. and that's when it all began...

jibs and jabs were exchanged prior to and during the approximately eight hour drive to lakeland, florida. one would think that's to be expected, as being confined in tight quarters with three additional people for extended periods of time can cause irritability. but noooooo... as fate would have it, that was just the beginning of our fun.


this is what exactly occured within the first HOUR of our arrival to our destination:
- a completely unecessary jab from the mother in law. (kudos to me for not retalliating. seriously, yall.) - the a/c unit was not working, so the place was H-O-T-T-E-R than balls covered in tobasco in a frying pan. the honey was able to get it turned on. - i go to the bathroom. (i realize that's tmi, but its imperative to the storyline.) then we proceed to unload the car. i was the last one out the door, as i was in the bathroom. i shut the door behind me to let the cool air cool down the house. BAD FRIKKING MOVE. i locked us out; keys, phones and all. honey fixed that too. - then honey needed to utilize the bathroom... and guess.what. THERE WAS NO WATER. by this point, we're all like, "what.the.fucking.bloody.hell?!" well... my honey is AWESOME, because she fixed that too. my wife pretty much fucking rocks, yes i know.

it was mostly smooth sailing after that catastrophe. the wife and i pondered what the hell happened. it was mentioned that the evil biological sperm donor's mother hexed us/me. it was a good snicker, but i'm tellin ya,... somethin out there was against us being there in florida. we forged ahead with a trip to a snazzy place with buffetts of all styles: hibatchi, sushi, and american. i gortged out on crab legs, honey on sushi, and Laverne on a lil bit of everything. we even tried frog legs; it DOES INDEED taste like chicken. bland chicken with toothpick cartiledge lookin legs.

we spent the next day lounging at the pool, enjoying the beautimus florida weather and watching the canadian/yankee old people socialize. that was a hoot in itself. after that, the honey cooked up some beaufort stew and alaskan king crab legs. so that was an awesome day in more ways than one. definitely MUCH better than the day prior!! we enjoyed the majority of the next day at indian shores/rocks beach and took a spin through clearwater beach. superb awesomeness. what WASN'T awesome was that i began to look like the crab i ate the night before. red skin isn't attractive on us fair skinned carolina girls. bah!! i got burnt on my lower legs and back of my thighs and buttcheeks. don't LoL, 'cuz that shit ain't funny, whores.

the ride home... was less than pleasurable. but we all made it home in one piece so its all good. we immediately went to retrieve my precious and precosious Wee-One, Sophia. she LITERALLY hollered at us for like, twenty minutes. have you ever had a dog yell at you? it isn't very friendly to thy ears... believe me. (and i'm saying that, deaf as i am!!) she missed me (us) so much, that when i took my bath, she curled up on the pants i had on. i had them on the floor next to the tub and she curled right up for a nap, as you can see. all is as it should be now. (excluding the homecoming of our other two furbabies, as they are still with their grandmama.) we learned our lessons on this vacation as to how to properly do next time we go. all in all, i'm glad we went, but i am glad we are home in one piece.

familial afflictions.

i am elated to have returned to our nice, CLEAN, quiet abode where i have my wifey, our furbabies, our fishy, my plants, and the rest of our things. i LOVE, LOVE, LOVE going back home where i come from. but i LOVE, LOVE, LOVE coming home to MY home even more so. my time in Florence was riddled with anxiety, restlessness, family drama, and complete exhaustion in every possible aspect.

first thing's first: my mama. she had to have very serious surgery to correct some horrid conditions she had. it most certainly was not life threatening at the time, but the ramifications of the surgery were if proper medical care was not given for her recovery. the surgery initially took only a couple of hours, but it revealed her condition to be worse than expected. one night in ICU was followed by 3 additional nights on a regular room floor. my mommy was in the hospital ON HER BIRTHDAY. i know that sucked balls worse than a crazy old coot pissin on ya living room floor. it was truly heart breaking seeing my mom in writhing pain. what got to me worse than that was seeing her breakdown when my dad left to go buy himself some supper. he left me in the hospital room to look out for mama. my dad is such a great man to her, but there were a few times during her hospital stay i could have knocked him out a time or two.


with the head of the family being hospitalized, it brought MOST of the family issues/drama from simmering nicely under the surface to boiling, scalding hot in your face. it made me realize even more how lucky i am to have a wonderful mom who never gave up on me, and who somehow had enough strength to win me over from the dark side, that was my biological sperm donor and his sad sack of shit family. (one particular cousin excluded, however.) i guess in growing older, i am becoming more and more acutely aware of just exactly how great my mom was and is to me. one thing i did take note of, particularly, was when i saw her lying in her ICU bed, it scared me. as much as i disliked my biological sperm donor, he was my father. MY genetic donor. MY father. and the hard cold fact is, that the son of a bitch is dead. i only have one biological parent left. and seeing my mama like that just scared me down to my core.

i am happy to report that my mom is recovering very well. she is currently at her M-I-L's for her recovery. (if ya ask me, that is no recovery; its damnation. that's an entirely another story for another time, "but i digress,...") she can begin driving again in a lil over a week, she can't pick up anything over 15lbs, and she may be able to begin school when it starts about midway through august. she was upset by the realization that she would be unable to pick up her favorite grand fur baby, jackson. my "miniature" dachshund is a damn porker, weighing in at approximately 18lbs. (that's all solid too, no fat.)


my sister and i were able to meet in the middle and act like civilized human beings once again. apparently teenagers get mighty pissy when you bust them at a party and tell their parents. gee, who'da thunk it?! she and i worked out a schedule that everyone would be pleased with, as far as it went for staying the week with our rockin awesome grandmother. who, by the way, i found one night i was there, cradling, rocking, petting AND singing a LULLABYE to sophia, my baby girl furbaby. i thought my own mama was bad with jackson, our wiener dog!! noooooo, my grandma has her beat by a country mile!!


and lastly, i found this particular picture at my grandma's. yes, yes. here i am being held by my mother, whilst my bio-pop is giving me beer. freaking LOVELY. now i have heard of children tasting a sip of beer, but they were usually CHILDREN or toddlers, at the youngest. here i was, having MAJOR health issues at barely 15 months old, and he's giving me beer. yeah, that's one HELLUVA father, ain't it, yall?! looking at my mother's face, you can easily see the look of disgust for all to see. (okay well maybe except yall, since i have blurred out their eyes to "protect their identities," so certain people wouldn't come bitching to me about it.) i had not even had my open heart surgery tet when this was taken. i was laughing with my wife, telling her this explained EVERYTHING. everything from my issues, to even a haunting foreshadowing of his death.
but alas, my bloggy blog readers, this is all i have for yall today. i do apologize for the break in between posts. hope yall are doing well!!