opossums, thanksgiving, and anxiety.

immediately following last night's blog post,
all three of our four legged critters accompanied me outside for a smoke.
when i first walked outside onto our back porch in the pitch black of the night,
i thought that our kitty-kitty was already outside because it appeared as if i'd almost stepped on her.
i thought this because i caught something out of the corner of my eye that dashed under my feet.
WELL.
when kitty-kitty joined me on the porch,
i put two and two together.
i was thinking, "wtf?"
then i noticed that harley and jackson picked up on a scent and were on it like white on rice.
i ran inside for a flashlight,
seeing as to how the wifey hasn't had the time to play handyman (which i TOTALLY understand),
and low and behold.
what did i see under the chair?
a opossum.
seriously.
all i could see was atrocious grey fur and white feet with LONG nails
that semi-resembled cat claws.
i didn't hear any hissing or anything.
i brought my babies back inside and shut the back door.
it eventually left.
but man,
that was really kinda cool.
i'm glad that our babies were okay, though.
i found out that opossum slobber is toxic to doggies.
yikes!!
alls well that ends well.

tomorrow marks the preparatory time for thanksgiving.
i do so love thanksgiving,
as any family holiday gatherings are great for bonding.
i love that, therefore i love thanksgiving.
i'll be focusing on what i am thankful for.
maybe i'll make a top ten list.
what's funny though,
is i am not a fan of thanksgiving food.
its just kind of...stale to me.
now, give me some damn crimmus food, and i'm all about that shiznits!

i am worried a bit,
as i can feel my anxiety elevating.
truthfully, i don't know why.
the anniversary, perhaps.
i just keep thinking that i just have to make it through crimmus without going insane.
i know that i am not in control,
but its like maybe thats the root of my anxiety.
simultaneously, however,
i don't want the control.
who knows.
i'll talk to my therapist tomorrow about this.
i really am worried about this,
as i want to enjoy the holidays seasonal festivities with my friends and family.


He who thanks but with the lips
Thanks but in part;
The full, the true Thanksgiving
Comes from the heart.
~J.A. Shedd


For each new morning with its light,
For rest and shelter of the night,
For health and food, for love and friends,
For everything Thy goodness sends.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.
~Albert Schweitzer

looking for the beauty.

they say that i am a drama queen. okay, i admit it, i can be. so check this out: like a year or so ago, i gather this "packet" up for my Mama because i told her that there was something wrong with Grandma. but no, Sarah's just bein paranoid, just being a drama queen. well,...guess. the. hell. what.
the drama queen was right. see. i gotta say it... I TOLD YALL SO. we don't have a diagnosis, because Grandma's appointment is on Monday morning. we will see what the doctor says. i KNOW that it will be SOMETHING. my intuition says so.
too much is piling up. and actually none of it even really pertains directly to me, per say. its all circled around Grandma. i believe that sometime we are connected to certain individuals on this earth because of a rare, deep, solidified connection that two people share. not necessarily soul mates, merely soul connections. like for example, you know when somethinng is wrong with the other person when you're no where near them and you've not spoken to them. its not seeing somebody, not being in somebody's life for a while, and the next time you see them, its as if no time has passed. its as if when you wrap your arms around them for a hug, your soul takes a breath of air that its been gasping for.



i've not encountered very many people with whom i've had that connection. but i can say that my grandma is one of them. and i feel her stress, and mainly her anxiety. i'm kind of panicky. so many changes.
too many changes. its too fast. us taureans don't do well with change. its as if the world is whizzing by me like the wind races by your fingers out the window of a car doing 80mph on the interstate.
i'm trying to calm down, to not get bogged down,...to not shut down. i am desperately trying. i wish my new meds would kick in already.
in the famous, loving words of my grandma, per her late sister, "if you can still bitch about it, everything's okay." lol. that's my grandma.

it must be a southern thing...

i am procrastinating bigtime tonight. i should be studying for my math test that my defunct teacher hasn't fully prepared us for. the joys of first time teachers. *yay*
this teacher is a bit obnoxious, with shooting daggers of sarcasm on the side. her aim is pinpointed too. aye. and her teaching methods are enough to drive, i think, anyone a little crazy. but the thing is, is that when i am not in class i get all riled up about her teaching abilities, or lack thereof. but when it comes to me actually being IN class,...i turn to marble.
i am mesmerized by this lady's teeth. seriously. they're perfect. they're real, not veneers. she just had a really good orthodontist. i zone out, just gazing at them. i am FAR from being semi-attracted to her for numerous reasons, so it is not that. but my stars, her teeth are the most beautiful teeth i've ever seen in person.
i am so jealous. how sad is that? i am jealous over a virginal math teacher who can't teach. sad, sad, sad.

in other news, evidently my aunt and my grandma are having insurance difficulties stemming from my aunt's hit and run that occurred on friday night. (she was the victim.) i could hear the stress and worry in my grandma's voice tonight on the phone. something i've not heard in her voice in years. i worry for her. for her situation. they are good together; they both drive each other bonkers, but are there for each other reguardless. and that is somewhat comforting. even though the sheer amount of bat-shit-crazy when you combine them both, is way high off the charts.
we bought a new betta and two snails. we've minimized to a 1 liter tank with an air pump thingy-magiggy in it. the betta is kinda pinkish, white-ish, yellowish, with hints of blue and purple. i named him pussy. i don't know why. but that's his name. the snails are still yet to be named. a gross, yet intriguing fact: the 3 goldfish wrapped in aluminum foil are still in the freezer. kind of bizarre, if you ask me. i suggested feeding them to kitty-kitty, and the wife looked like she was going to have a coronary. so that nixed that idea. but hey, whatever. we have a dog with napoleon syndrome, a dog who eats furniture stuffings, a kitty named kitty-kitty, 3 dead goldfish in our freezer that i can't feed to our kitty, and now a male betta named pussy. all that is missing is the three legged, one eyed basset hound named frank-n-farter or something of that nature.

i'm inclined to believe that we're no longer white trash since we've removed the jacuzzi whirl pool tub thingy off of our current front porch. but, we do not have the required vehicle up on blocks. we do, however, have random toilets throughout the family land. yes, toilets. we're classy like that. who needs squatters? just grab ya a magnolia leaf, prop ya rifle, check for spiders, drop 'em, and enjoy the natural outdoors.

/sigh...

my withdrawal from a class today initially brought relief; now, anxiety is rolling in like clouds before a storm. i'm hoping between the therapy, my support system, and my new meds, that i can keep my head above water just fine. but then again, everything always works out the way it was meant to eventually, right?
it is when my anxiety is on the rise that i can fully appreciate my friends and loved ones; they are a phenominal support system. a friend of mine stated that when everything happened at christmas, i was able to make it through because i had been healing myself prior to the accident; like i had been recharging my internal battery. i agree with that. now, i just need to figure out why the electrical outlet isn't working to transport the necessary charge to re-up. i'll get there eventually. with friends and loved ones like mine, i know i'll be okay. i (usually) always am.