Wednesday, April 7, 2010


Its been a while since I’ve written, and for that I apologize. I’m still settling into this singlehood and am loathing every blasted moment of it. I had this first date with this supposed “soft butch,” who smoked reefer like my Grandma chain smoked cigarettes. Seriously. That most definitely goes down in the handbook of worst first dates EVER.

My depression and anxiety have taken hold to me like Blanche to a new Marine in uniform. I’m actively trying to cope with this thing. I was also diagnosed with high blood pressure. However, because of my “disability,” medical staff have always had to take my blood pressure via a leg cuff. A trip to my pediatric cardiologist this week spawned a new idea; to use a newborn arm cuff on my left arm. And whadoyaknow, my bp was pretty much normal. Said trip to the pediatric cardiologist yielded perhaps a final diagnosis as to what all of my birth defects is. Its called Holt – Oram Syndrome. Quite frankly, it scares the hell out of me. This means that I’d pass it down to my children. I’m exploring my feelings on this.

I contacted a celebrity that I know asking him what direction to go in, because he is a fantastic writer/director/producer. My idol. Del Shores is a beautiful man. My being gay or straight or bi doesn’t matter; he is beautiful. He said to write. So here I sit, writing. A newfound friend told me I needed to peel back the layers of the onion of myself. However, to realize that the outside is the same as the inside; its still an onion. That means I’m going to cry. Damnit to hell, as my Grandma says. Anyways, I bid you goodnight. I am alive, my fellow bloggers.