Wednesday, June 4, 2008

healing nicely.

last night's panic attack was not cool. i absolutely loathe the fact that it happened. i've been doing so well lately, so i'm not understanding why it happened. well, i mean, i know what scared the bejesus out of me. but unsure why it manifested itself in that manner and to that extent. not cool. not cool, mi amigo.

15 days to go until our vacation to florida. we've decided to take jackass, even though i wanna take harley. if you weigh out all of the pro's and con's, jackass wins out, hands down. we are truly looking forward to that. a chance to get away, relax, enjoy the summer, enjoy each other. it'll be our last true pack-your-bags and get-away vacation for the summer.

we received our first check to officially begin our home. and so it begins. the closing of one half of the book, and the beginning of another. this summer is exactly what i needed to heal. the divorce, my return to my artwork, my art class, my divorce, our vacation, and the commencement of building our future. it feels good. my soul is actually beginning to smile again.

the uncle called again last night and i let C answer the call. she said his demeanor changed immediately when he knew it wasn't me who answered. she told him i was laid up in bed whacked out on meds the doctor gave me for my back. (which IS half true. my back began to go out again, and i did get meds. but i am not laid out, nor whacked out.) i can't help but to wonder how long this drama will play out. i can pay at&t to block his number. but dang. thats just ONE MORE fee to pay. ya know? i can afford it, that's not the issue. but dang. ya know?

it feels good now that things are getting better. i am thankful for what i have. i absolutely MUST BE the luckiest girl in the world. my wife,... she was there for me last night in a way that nobody has ever been there for me. her compassion knows no boundries when it comes to healing me. if she hadn't have been there last night, i... i don't know what would've happened. thank you, my bella. thank you with all of my heart. i love you.